Social Wall

Wall of Love

What Virginia Woolf saw in Jane Austen and Emily Bronte, I see in you. ⁠
#WeAreTheCultureMakers #HoldFast

What is Female Lifestyle Empowerment Brand? ⁠(FLEB)⁠⠀⁠⁠
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She's The Perfect Woman, in the form of a business or a brand.⁠⠀⁠⁠
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She's everything we're supposed to be in order to be socially acceptable -- white, thin, pretty, ...straight, cis, able-bodied, uber-positive and smiley...⁠⠀⁠⁠
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The Female Lifestyle Empowerment Brand is what our culture insists women embody AND a business blueprint that leverages privilege to create authority over other women.⁠⠀⁠⁠
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It often looks like "playing big" because we see huge businesses being built using this formula.⁠⠀⁠⁠
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But it is actually a form of playing small. ⁠⠀⁠⁠
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We have to sheer off our edges and fit ourselves into a box in order to perform socially-acceptable caricatures of ourselves.⁠⠀⁠⁠
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And...most of us can't fit our identities into that box in the first place! So this formula is fundamentally exclusive and oppressive.⁠⠀⁠⁠
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IT GETS WORSE: The Female Lifestyle Empowerment Brand also uses business practices and marketing tactics that are exploitative and oppressive.⁠ Injustice is baked in.⁠⠀⁠⁠
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FOR YEARS, I've been raising awareness about how the standard online business practices we're taught to use by Female Lifestyle Empowerment Brands are oppressive and harmful -- and at odds with the empowering outcomes we're trying to create.⁠⠀⁠⁠
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This is not about individual leaders or business teachers.⁠⠀⁠⁠
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This is about our standard practices, policies, and norms.⁠⠀⁠⁠
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We absolutely have the power to do it differently -- and flourish while we do that.⁠⁠
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That's why I work as a feminist business coach. Because I want us grow thriving, aligned businesses ON OUR TERMS. ⁠

We don't have to be "Female Lifestyle Empowerment Brands" or use the destructive, oppressive business practices that are the NORM.⁠
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Instead we can use FEMINIST business practices and FEMINIST marketing tactics to build a business infrastructure that makes money AND justice.⁠
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In other words: YES IT IS POSSIBLE AND PROFITABLE to bake your social justice principles into your business...and change everything (including the $$$s in your accounts).⁠
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#Flora2022 #FeministBusinessMastermind #DMmeForInfo

Business can inadvertently be a spiritual journey.⁠

(Same with parenting; h/t @toimarie for all of our conversations over the years about the way these two vocations/callings have grown our spirits and capacities). ⁠

You *think* that you were just trying to make money in... your biz, but in order to do that, you have to confront your internalized oppression. You have to go to the edges of your conditioning. You have to take a step back from the cultural stories meant to limit you. You have to learn how work WITH your fears and befriend your #ImposterComplex (‘cuz they’re never going away). ⁠

In other words: business development and successful entrepreneurship ends up being a massive self-help class that you didn't know you signed up to take.⁠

Which is why building out your platform can feel so overwhelming and so isolating. (It is definitely NOT you; it's just the nature of the project.)⁠

You THOUGHT you were doing something pragmatic like building a #SalesFunnel or calculating your #pricing; but each of these activities inevitably comes with a huge side order of figuring-out-exactly-who-you-are-and-what-you-stand-for. ⁠

Obviously that can take a LOT more energy than it seems...which is why it's so essential to be rooted in relationships and communities that fill you back up. ⁠

You're spiritually cultivating yourself while also growing a business; and both of these things, on their own, are high-burn activities...⁠

Together? Even more so. ⁠

So get yourself loved-up and resourced. Get support. Get poured into and spiritually replenished so you can flourish while you're growing and regrowing EVERYTHING in your world. #WeAreTheCultureMakers⁠

_________⁠
I'm Kelly Diels and I'm a #FeministMarketing consultant. I lead a intimate one-year #mastermind for coaches, leaders, healers, and culture-makers called FLORA that helps you build a thriving business that makes money AND justice

I really dislike the language of "client attraction".

"Client Attraction" + Women = Patriarchy

Often we resonate with the idea of client attraction because it intersects with our feminine conditioning.

We've been conditioned to get our needs met ...indirectly. Be pretty. Be appealing. Wait to be discovered and selected.

That, to me, is very similar to some of the assumptions baked into "client attraction".

Be so appealing -- and usually in very status quo ways -- that the customer or the job will come to you. They'll pick you.

I want to challenge that.

We're allowed to ask for what we want, directly.
We're allowed to decide who we want to work with.
We're allowed to court an organization or a customer rather than wait to be picked.
We're allowed to talk about our work and even *gasp* brag about our results.

I'm not saying brand awareness activities are useless (I'm here engaging in some brand awareness activity right now!).

I'm just saying you're allowed to sell. Directly.
I'm saying you're allowed to introduce yourself rather than waiting to be discovered.
I'm saying make the pitch & send the proposal.

Once upon a time, for example, I decided I didn't want to commute.

🐝I went online to my local municipality and downloaded a list of the business licenses within 3km

🐝 I filtered by businesses with more 300+ employees. (I knew that size company would have an actual marketing department.)

🐝Then I went on LinkedIn and connected to all the Directors of Marketing of those companies. Ditto, Twitter, Instagram. I liked their posts & got on their radar.

🐝Then I emailed each one my portfolio and resume.

🐝I tracked the opens.

🐝The people who opened the portfolio several times? I called them and followed up.

I had an interview in a week and a job offer within 10days.

When they made me the offer, I countered with a salary 10K higher. We settled on 8K, immediate benefits (rather than the 3month waiting period), and 3 weeks extra of vacation, effective immediately.

I didn't wait for a job advertisement. I didn't wait to be called. I didn't settle for the first $ offer.

You don't have to, either.
You can decide what you want and go after it, directly.

Conflict is Not Abuse by #SarahSchulman is one of my most necessary books.

Like #EmergentStrategy by @adriennemareebrown, it's one of the books my business is based on...even though it's not about business, at all.

#ConflictIsNotAbuse is, however, essential to how you ...approach culture making, leadership, visibility and community.

This book has given me a deeply nuanced consideration of how to navigate call-ins and call-outs.

Call-outs are something every culture-maker I know inevitably grapples with at some point-- as bystanders, participants, initiators, and yes, as recipients.

Most leaders occupy each of these roles at some point in their careers (I've called-out and I've been called-out), which is why this sensitive, thoughtful book is particularly resonant & healing for me.

*AND WILDLY PRACTICAL. There are protocols*

So if you're interested in:

❓ How to know if you should participate in them -- or not -- and what your standards for information should be
❓ How to discern **what actually happened**
❓Why text and email and online commenting/communications are almost always the wrong forms of communication for initiating community repair & healing
❓How to hold compassion for people who truly did wrong, so you can help them stop creating ruptures & start creating repair
❓The hard-to-face reality that sometimes people in our communities might be overstating harm because they're anxious, traumatized or in the grip of distorted thinking (I've been in allllllll of those places, myself) -- and how to lovingly support them without being enlisted into their projection
❓How bystanders have a responsibility de-escalate instead of escalate
❓How shunning is wrong and reproduces systems of Supremacy...even when our intentions are motivated by healing & justice

There was a point when this book saved me.

It's grounded in a counter-cultural, queer perspective and born out of years of community experience. It is so practical and compassionate.

So if you have questions about call-outs, call-ins & community repair, this book might be exactly what you need.

Like I said: a necessary book.

What books have helped you navigate community rupture and repair?

Early in my career, I thought I needed to perform a character -- the pretty, positive, successful woman -- as a "client attraction" strategy.

It took a lot of energy to do that, though. A caricature of yourself is hard to sustain.

Whenever I couldn’t perform the shiny,... happy, public me (which was OFTEN), I had to retreat.

I also spent a lot of time hiding my body, thinking that I had to lose weight in order to be visible, because who would aspire to have the life I had if I had this body?!

I was feminist, sort of, but sometimes I couldn’t be my full-blown feminist self because I had to work scarcity into my sales funnels or look pretty online.

It took so much energy to perform myself publicly that I didn’t have the reserves necessary to do my actual work.

As a result I actually undermined my own potential:

‼️I ignored invitations to speak, be on podcasts or go to conferences because I didn't feel 'ready'

‼️I’d summon energy, force myself to follow my scripts, execute, and then collapse & disappear. Lather, rinse, repeat.

‼️Or I’d do what I was supposed to do half-assedly because it felt pretty awful to have to sheer off my feminist commitments in order to be ‘successful’.

Having to perform 1) the character of Female Lifestyle Empowerment Brand and 2) swallow my feminist principles to use business formulas & sales tactics I objected to sapped my energy — and my results.

That’s why I could never sustain my business building & marketing efforts. I'd get exhausted by the performativity & cognitive dissonance required, and stop.

Because of my stop-start-y-ness, I never got momentum.

****If you recognize that place, I want you to know that you can reverse the pattern. You can do it your way.****

🐝You don't have to perform a character
🐝You don't have to use business practices you object to (there are other ways!)
🐝On social media, you can start saying things that matter to you
🐝You can build systems that nourish you rather than exhaust you

And the right people -- the people who get you, AS YOU ARE, and want to work with you -- will start to gather.

Success doesn't come from performing a character. It comes from doing your real work, consistently.

The image in the background isn’t stock photo; it’s a photo of my sons listening in solidarité to their big sister Sophie as she spoke at a BLM protest last year⁠. #feministfamily #feministlife #itsnotbusinessasusual #blacklivesmatter #myfeminismisantiracist #multiracialfamily ...#justice⁠

Photo of my babies by @marcelfaucheret ⁠
Mug by @lookhuman

The image in the background isn’t a stock photo; it’s a photo of my sons listening in solidarité to their big sister Sophie as she spoke at a BLM protest last year⁠. #feministfamily #feministlife #itsnotbusinessasusual #blacklivesmatter #myfeminismisantiracist #multiracialfamily ...#justice⁠

Photo of my babies by @marcelfaucheret ⁠
Mug by @lookhuman

**We build machines so we don't have to *be* machines.**⁠

Culture makers bring transformative work into the world. We create the work we needed but that didn't yet exist. ⁠

That's a BIG job...so the scope of our ambitions can lead to overwork.⁠
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That's why we need ingenious personal systems & communal rituals (little machines) to support us.⁠

Here are some of mine:⁠

* I write morning pages & night pages. I brain-dump everything I'm worrying about/need to do onto a page so I can stop trying to remember them (goodbye, rumination). This helps me focus in the morning and sleep at night⁠

* I don't use to-do lists. I calendar. If something needs to be done, I put it on my calendar & block time to do it. Need to respond to emails? I schedule 45 mins to respond to emails. Doesn't fit on the calendar? Guess it can't be done⁠

* I body-double & co-work. Sometimes we just need someone else in the room with us. Often it's the Entrepreneur Isolation that produces the overwhelm. Having communal rituals for getting shit done means you have social time set aside to do things. MAGIC.⁠

* Chaos Time. I block out 90 minutes every day as margin so I can fix things that go wrong or handle unexpected plot twists :)⁠

* I publish one adequate social media post every day. There's a story in Atomic Habits by James Clear: a photography professor gave his students two paths. Choice 1: you could submit a MEDIOCRE photo a day for the term (80 photos). Choice 2: you could submit one STELLAR photo for the entire term. When the teacher evaluated the photos, the students aiming for one mediocre photo a day ended up producing the highest quality images. Quantity creates quality. We get really good, really fast, through repetition. That's why I tell my students & clients to aim for C+ marketing. Produce lots of adequate marketing and eventually you'll be consistently, easily producing BRILLIANT marketing. ⁠
_________⁠
I'm a #FeministMarketing consultant. I lead an intimate #mastermind for coaches, leaders & culture-makers called FLORA that helps you build a thriving business that makes money AND justice...without burning out.⁠

photo by @daniellecohenphotography⁠

**Personally imagery is an essential marketing asset.**⁠⁠
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A Director of Marketing I once worked for taught me that the first thing we do as marketers at any company – whether we’re selling plumbing fixtures or relationship coaching — is develop a deep well of visual assets ...(photos, videos etc). ⁠⁠
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Our challenge, as culture makers marketing **ourselves**, is to develop that well of images WHILE AVOIDING the conventional beauty-signalling that props up existing oppressive gender narratives.⁠⁠
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But that doesn’t mean no images.⁠⁠
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It means more **different** images.⁠⁠
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***⁠⁠
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Important nuance: beauty-signalling doesn’t always prop up patriarchy or white supremacy. ⁠

When women of colour, gender non-conforming people, fat women, disabled folks (and, and, and), are visibly revelling in their own skin, creativity and adornments, they’re often claiming an agency and space that our culture has systematically tried to deny them.⁠⁠
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***⁠⁠
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Think for a moment what Frida Kahlo would do with selfies on Instagram! ⁠⁠
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I’m willing to bet she would NOT be figuring out how to look “thin AF” in her photos. ⁠⁠
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Instead, she'd use symbols and turn that into a whole visual language...and then and apply it to her selfies. ⁠

Monkeys! Flowers! Colour! Unapologetic facial hair! She's telling her unapologetic truth with her self portraits, and SO CAN WE.⁠⁠
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[sidenote: #WWFKD — What Would Frida Kahlo Do? — could be the rubber bracelets we start wearing to remind ourselves of our goal.] ⁠⁠
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***⁠⁠
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Being visible as you are (rather than how our culture demands you be) is a feminist act…⁠⁠
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…and it helps you stand out in the marketplace.⁠⁠
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It’s zigging when the rest of the market (and our culture!) is zagging.⁠⁠
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So…⁠⁠
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Yes, use selfies.⁠⁠
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Yes, use professional photos.⁠⁠
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Yes, be visible.⁠⁠
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Let’s own our DIFFERENT imagery and use more of it, not less.⁠⁠
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#wearetheculturemakers ⁠
#girlboss #goaldigger #womenentrepreneurs #consciousbusiness #creativebusiness #feministselfie #feministcoach #onlinebusiness #socialmedia #contentmarketing #feministsocialmedia

A friend of mine (@lianneraymond -- she's a feminist wise woman, coach and psychologist) once told me that one of the most damaging, wrong-headed things we do in our schools (and our wider world) is segregate people by age. ⁠

She told me that it was better for older kids to be ...with little ones, because it taught them empathy and care, than to be grouped into classes according to their birth years.⁠

She also told me that one of the most important thing we can do to change the world (and preserve our children of all genders) is keep our boys soft.⁠

That's one of the reasons I love this picture of my mother-in-law and my son so much. ⁠

This is from 2017 when we were living in Trinidad for the second time. ⁠

Mom was vulnerable -- her Alzheimers was rapidly advancing, plus she'd gone blind -- and needed our care. So we moved there to do that.⁠

The adults in our family seemed to have forgotten she existed, or were uncomfortable with her, and melted away. ⁠

My little ones, however, freely, whole-heartedly and offered her all the love and assistance they had to give. Like carefully guiding her from room to room.⁠

We think of caregiving as an adult activity, and often a female one, but it is an all-ages human one. It's the instinct of our hearts to care for each other. A world that tries to sheer that off is a world that cannot sustain itself.⁠

The world I'm dreaming of -- and making -- looks like this. Like boys with soft hearts. Like intergenerational connection. Like care and protection. Like love and attention, no matter what. ⁠

You don't have to be 'producing' or 'healthy' to be cherished. You're valuable and deserving of love just because you're you.⁠

PS Happy 10th birthday to my beautiful, loving, care-filled son, Theodore. Being your mom is one of the greatest joys in my life.⁠

#wearetheculturemakers #takecareofeachother #feministfamily #trinifamily #alzheimerssucks #caregiving #keepourboyssoft #intergenerationalcare #trinidad

I trust you with power and money.

***

⁠Many of us believe, on a cellular level, that money + power = abuse.

Because that's what we've lived.⁠

Many fat women and women of colour and queer women and disabled folks and trans and non-binary folks (and,... and, and) have experienced power being used abusively against us...⁠

...which often means that some of us are going to be wildly uncomfortable with power-building -- in all forms.⁠

Which raises a critical question for our lives: what will we think about ***ourselves*** if we earn money and power?⁠

***⁠
If you recoil from holding power or money even as you need them and explicitly seek them, please know that there is nothing wrong with you. This tension actually a sign that your sense of justice is finely honed.⁠

It means you don't want to become that which you oppose.⁠

This, obviously, is a very good thing. Let's be relieved that our moral compasses are working.⁠

And let's break the spell*. ⁠
(h/t @amandaklaird for this *language)⁠

***⁠
Here's how we break cultural spells and intervene in unconscious sequences and patterns:⁠

We surface them. Expose them. Make them conscious.⁠

To break the money-power-abuse spell, let's explicitly, consciously ask ourselves if what we have been conditioned believe about ourselves and power and money is true:⁠

🌺Is it true that if you have power, you will abuse it?⁠

🌺Is it true that if you have money and power, you will use it to exploit people?⁠

🌺Is it true that the only way to get money is to harm people?⁠

***⁠

When I inquired into my own beliefs about power and explicit asked myself, do I want to use money and power the way it's been used against me (To hurt people? To dominate? To hoard?)...⁠

...the answer is NOOOOOOOOOO.⁠

And so the spell is broken.⁠

***⁠

I trust you with power, money & resources.⁠

Let's get them, grow them, and use them to flourish -- personally & collectively.⁠

Because we are the culture makers.⁠

🌺🌺🌺

I'm Kelly Diels and I'm a #FeministMarketing consultant. I help feminist entrepreneurs & culture-makers make money AND justice.

PS liked this post? You should see my Sunday Love Letters 🙂

Link in bio to subscribe

In 2008, newly split from my partner, I had two little girls under the age of 4. I had no child support -- hell, I had no support of any kind.⁠

I did have an apparently "good" job as a Proposal Writer; but after I paid daycare & rent, luxuries like groceries were going ...on my credit card.⁠

At the same time, I was profoundly lonely. I had big ideas & dreams, and yet it felt like I walked through my daily life underestimated. I had no social life -- because I had little ones and no money for a babysitter.⁠

And so writing became a lifeline.⁠

Every night after I put my daughters to bed, I wrote a blog post.⁠

A couple of fellow bloggers started commenting on my blog posts, and then reaching out by email...and suddenly I had friends! A community!⁠

In those early days, my new writing & blogger friends were my champions.⁠

They taught me how to get more readers, about SEO, and insisted I join a thing called Twitter [maybe you've heard of it :)].⁠

One, Dr. Dave Doolin, a coder and professor from the East Bay, taught me how to copy-write.⁠

Although I was already a good writer, Dave introduced me to a specific form of writing that helps people take action -- like sign a petition, call their representative, hire a coach, or buy the e-book.⁠

I started using my new copywriting skills to write sales pages and emails...⁠

...and I started making money.⁠

One night, I wrote a sales page and sent an email to my (tiny) list, and in the morning there was $2,500 in my PayPal account.⁠

I cried.⁠

This was life-altering.⁠

You have to remember: I was a single mama with no money. I was putting my groceries on credit cards -- and that runway was running out.⁠

So being able to create a sales page to sell a service and actually get paid was not a small thing. ⁠

It was HUGE.⁠

Having the practical skills to generate an income that actually allows us to thrive is MASSIVE for those of us facing systemic barriers to our flourishing. ⁠

For me, learning the skill of copywriting was POWER.⁠

It's not a magical, innate talent; it's a skill you learn and build out, tactic by tactic.⁠

link in bio to read the rest of the blog post⁠

📷 by @anastasiachomlack (2009)

In 1919, against the protests of the Semá:th peoples, and with no compensation, the Sumas Lake was drained, diked and turned into farmland.⁠

What we're seeing and shocked by this week is what the land used to be: a lake.⁠

In other words: in addition to climate ...change, the roots of this week's natural disaster in Abbotsford and Chilliwack can be traced back to colonization and land theft.⁠

----⁠
Smith and Verstraten, Emma and Katelyn (2013-05-06). "Sumas First Nation seeks compensation for its lost lake". Vancouver Sun.⁠

#abbotsfordflood #chilliwackflood #sumasfirstnation

***You don't have to be famous or an artist or a celebrity or world leader to be a culture maker*** ⁠

This is what I mean when I say ‘we are the culture makers’: ⁠

I mean that our entire society and status quo — from every conversation we have with friends, ...family & acquaintances; to our workplaces; to our interactions with government workers and civil servants; to the way we consume media — is a web of cooperation that we make & remake every day.⁠

Each of us makes a million tiny agreements at any given moment to go along with our culture & make things run smoothly.⁠

A lot of the times, people disagree with the demands, dictates & practices of our culture, but swallow their voice & say nothing.⁠

Even in that moment, in the internal dissonance & the absence of action, they are culture makers.⁠

In that moment, they (we!) allow the over-culture to continue as it is, unimpeded.⁠

We let the voice of culture speak through our mouths and hijack our bodies & lives in order to stabilize & regenerate itself.⁠

Every day, whether we are conscious of it or not, we are making & remaking our culture.⁠

Every day, every single one of us are culture makers.⁠

That reveals a HUGE opportunity: we can choose how to deliberately use our culture-making power.⁠

Instead of letting an unjust culture flow through us, we can interrupt it — and we can make a new one.⁠

And we do it with tiny, consistent, committed words + actions + experiments + contributions each day.⁠

**Tiny acts of doing-it-differently are culture making.** ⁠
Tiny acts of doing-it-differently dislodge the web of cooperation that the unjust culture requires in order to continue functioning — and creates something new, instead.⁠

For the future, and for right now.⁠

Culture isn’t ‘out there’ or something that’s set in stone and unchanging.⁠

Culture is living & organic; it’s in us; it acts on us; it moves through us…and we co-create it, every day.⁠

And so we are the culture makers. ⁠

As culture makers, every single one of us has the power to disrupt it, reimagine it, and make a new one in which everyone flourishes.⁠

Now and always. Every day. #wearetheculturemakers

***You don't have to be famous or an artist or a celebrity or world leader to be a culture maker*** ⁠

This is what I mean when I say ‘we are the culture makers’: ⁠

I mean that our entire society and status quo — from every conversation we have with friends, ...family & acquaintances; to our workplaces; to our interactions with government workers and civil servants; to the way we consume media — is a web of cooperation that we make & remake every day.⁠

Each of us makes a million tiny agreements at any given moment to go along with our culture & make things run smoothly.⁠

A lot of the times, people disagree with the demands, dictates & practices of our culture, but swallow their voice & say nothing.⁠

Even in that moment, in the internal dissonance & the absence of action, they are culture makers.⁠

In that moment, they (we!) allow the over-culture to continue as it is, unimpeded.⁠

We let the voice of culture speak through our mouths and hijack our bodies & lives in order to stabilize & regenerate itself.⁠

Every day, whether we are conscious of it or not, we are making & remaking our culture.⁠

Every day, every single one of us are culture makers.⁠

That reveals a HUGE opportunity: we can choose how to deliberately use our culture-making power.⁠

Instead of letting an unjust culture flow through us, we can interrupt it — and we can make a new one.⁠

And we do it with tiny, consistent, committed words + actions + experiments + contributions each day.⁠

**Tiny acts of doing-it-differently are culture making.** ⁠
Tiny acts of doing-it-differently dislodge the web of cooperation that the unjust culture requires in order to continue functioning — and creates something new, instead.⁠

For the future, and for right now.⁠

Culture isn’t ‘out there’ or something that’s set in stone and unchanging.⁠

Culture is living & organic; it’s in us; it acts on us; it moves through us…and we co-create it, every day.⁠

And so we are the culture makers. ⁠

As culture makers, every single one of us has the power to disrupt it, reimagine it, and make a new one in which everyone flourishes.⁠

Now and always. Every day. #wearetheculturemakers

Sometimes I look at my teenage daughters and I marvel. They are just so...

...free.

They're not haunted by the idea that there's something wrong with them.

That's a miracle, to me, because at their ages through to oh, five years ago (and sometimes 5 minutes... ago), I thought I was defective and needed to be fixed.

And so I spent my life trying to be The Good Girl, The Perfect Woman, The Perfect Partner, The Flawless Worker, The Perfect Mother.

I spent decades trying to prove to other people that I'm worthy because our culture convinced me I was not.

I think that's what most women are trained to believe about themselves, too.

That's why we have all these gazillion dollar industries devoted to changing us, fixing us.

***

Often people will say that focusing on how culture/society/systems shapes (and deforms) our lives puts us "in victim mode" where we get stuck blaming other circumstances and can't do anything to change it...but I think the opposite is true.

Realizing that I'm NOT the problem -- but bigger-picture conditions are indeed the problem -- gets me into action.

I get defiant...and empowered.

No, this is not acceptable. No, I do not accept this pattern. No, I am not going to fold myself into this requirement.

YES I AM GOING TO CHANGE EVERYTHING, starting NOW.

***

Across my life, when I've zoomed out to see things structurally and systemically, and realized that my choices have been framed for me without my consent, two important things happen:

1) My shame dissolves
2) My power activates

Seeing the big picture, seeing the system, helped me see that the challenges in my life weren't a symptom of me being broken.

The problem was our culture and the frame I existed in -- and I didn't have to accept it. I could remake it, for myself and for others.

In those moments, with those epiphanies, I start getting free.

***
All this to say: building your analysis = liberation. And POWER.

Seeing the bigger picture, the big design, doesn't put you in a 'victim mentality'.

Instead, it frees you from the huge cultural lie that you are the problem.

Because you're NOT.

But you can be part of the solution. #WeAreTheCultureMakers

Sometimes I look at my teenage daughters and I marvel. They are just so...

...free.

They're not haunted by the idea that there's something wrong with them.

That's a miracle, to me, because at their ages through to oh, five years ago (and sometimes 5 minutes... ago), I thought I was defective and needed to be fixed.

And so I spent my life trying to be The Good Girl, The Perfect Woman, The Perfect Partner, The Flawless Worker, The Perfect Mother.

I spent decades trying to prove to other people that I'm worthy because our culture convinced me I was not.

I think that's what most women are trained to believe about themselves, too.

That's why we have all these gazillion dollar industries devoted to changing us, fixing us.

***

Often people will say that focusing on how culture/society/systems shapes (and deforms) our lives puts us "in victim mode" where we get stuck blaming other circumstances and can't do anything to change it...but I think the opposite is true.

Realizing that I'm NOT the problem -- but bigger-picture conditions are indeed the problem -- gets me into action.

I get defiant...and empowered.

No, this is not acceptable. No, I do not accept this pattern. No, I am not going to fold myself into this requirement.

YES I AM GOING TO CHANGE EVERYTHING, starting NOW.

***

Across my life, when I've zoomed out to see things structurally and systemically, and realized that my choices have been framed for me without my consent, two important things happen:

1) My shame dissolves
2) My power activates

Seeing the big picture, seeing the system, helped me see that the challenges in my life weren't a symptom of me being broken.

The problem was our culture and the frame I existed in -- and I didn't have to accept it. I could remake it, for myself and for others.

In those moments, with those epiphanies, I start getting free.

***
All this to say: building your analysis = liberation. And POWER.

Seeing the bigger picture, the big design, doesn't put you in a 'victim mentality'.

Instead, it frees you from the huge cultural lie that you are the problem.

Because you're NOT.

But you can be part of the solution. #WeAreTheCultureMakers

Do right by your work. Show up and let people know about it. Advocate for it.

Think about it less like 'getting visible' and more like being a faithful champion of the work that you spent years creating.

Advocating for your work and the world you're co-creating can ...look like:

💥sharing it on social media
💥talking about what you do to people you meet IRL
💥declaring what you believe in
💥asking other people who love your work to signal-boost you
💥signal-boosting the great work of others⁠
💥doing your own personal healing work around belonging & betrayal so you can move from power rather than wounds (h/t @daniellecohenphotography)
💥lavishing yourself with personal care and planning rituals so you're always powered up and operating from compassion rather than resentment (h/t Claudia Cordova Rucker https://beyondordinary.business)
💥protecting yourself and your clients with appropriate contacts & policies
💥BOUNDARIES (h/t @randibuckley who taught me about #HealthyBoundariesForBusiness )
💥checking in regularly with friends & colleagues who cheer you on
💥creating a Methodology page on your website where you explain your process
💥doubling-down on SEO
💥putting out a newsletter, no matter what
💥nixing the manipulative, privilege-leveraging sales tactics BECAUSE YOUR WORK IS SO GOOD IT DOESN'T NEED THEM
💥raising consciousness about issues and causes you care about⁠
💥being a guest teacher in other people's programs (I ALWAYS get new clients from those appearances)
💥putting yourself forward to podcasts and radio (ditto - new client, every single time)
💥and using all of those activities to boost your sales and revenue...⁠

⁠ ...so you - and all of us - can do the work we're here to do.

Advocate for your work. YES. Let's do that.⁠

::

My great thanks to the brilliant @jennracioppi who was the first person I heard use the phrase 'advocate for your work'

::

#feministsocialmedia #feministcopywriting #feministcoaching #feministcoach #girlboss #goaldigger #womensempowerment #womenentrepreneurs #feministmindset #WeAreTheCultureMakers #consciousbusiness #feministbusiness #solopreneur #contentmarketing #visibility #feministmarketing #creativebusiness

For when you're feeling insignificant or ineffective:⁠

Right now, your action and your example is valorizing and fortifying someone else.⁠

Someone is learning from you. Someone is softened, strengthened, resolved. Someone is thinking *I can do that, too.*⁠
...
Action inspires action.⁠

Keep going. Keep contributing. We need you.⁠

love + justice,⁠
Kelly⁠

#WeAreTheCultureMakers⁠

Photo by @kristympowers














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