let’s talk about sex, baby

I met Kim Anami at Pecha Kucha Vancouver two years ago. We shared the stage. I think we were the only two women speaking but maybe we are the only two women speakers I remember.

I talked about cleavage as a methodology, for art and love and life. She talked about being a well-fucked woman.

Soul sistah.

Kim Anami writes about sex. I write about sex. I write about how to be the sexiest woman in the world and it’s got almost nothing to do with how you look. I write about why I write about sex. And it’s not even about getting some or getting off.

It’s about energy, power, agency, communion, love. It’s about ignition.

The more revved up I am, sexually, the more fuel I have for…everything. Vroom vroom.

And it’s not just about empowerment, or power. It’s about softness and trust.

I suspect that’s the appeal of 50 Shades of Grey. Intensity; yes; orgasm;YES; risk, surrender, safety; yesYesYES.

That’s why I often say sex is my yoga. Going there – the sex haze – is a place of intense focus and surrender. Nothing, not one other thing, is on my mind other than my skin, my fingers, his fingers, his mouth, him, me. It’s a surrender to us, focus, intensity, skin, presence.

Radical presence. Radical surrender. Radical communion.

And what goes on in my bedroom goes on in every room of my life-house. It feeds everything. I wrote yesterday that everything I’m learning about business, I learned from love. This love – this radically well-fucked love  – has changed everything.

I changed everything because I surrendered. Before I even met him, I decided to just be who I am. Ask for what I want. Do what I want. Be the divine whore and unabashed madonna that I am, no apologies. And no split. No one or the other. One.

Whole. Me.

And that decision, that commitment to myself and my sexuality, changed everything.  I started having the most unrestrained, revolutionary, life-changing sex I’ve ever had.

Life-changing. Life-saving. Life.

Affairs of the hearts
Together we’ve grown
If ever apart
All I want u to know
is…your love is life changing
And I couldn’t be the same without you darling
Your love is life saving
You always catch me when I fall – Damian Marley

(driving down the village road. this song. first time we ever heard it. quiet. listening. life-changing. life-saving. i heard it. my heart heard it. he heard it. i turned to him as he turned to me and we smiled, recognized. we heard it. truth. sing it.)

Three years +a baby + two career changes (both of us have switched it up)+ a new country (Trinidad!), we still can’t get enough of each other.

And both we’re getting more of what we want.

I’m getting everything I want.

That’s the power of feminine sexuality. When you surrender to it, everything and everyone surrenders to you.

Because it’s your creative life force and you are a creative life force.

So of course when paradigms, regimes, media, individuals seek to control Woman, control and obliterate her power, they take aim at her sexuality. From female circumcision to slut shaming: curtail a woman’s sexuality, curtail her.

But we won’t be curtailed, controlled, folded into paper dolls, barbie dolls, centerfolds.

where I am folded, there I am a lie – Rainer Maria Rilke

And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom. – Anais Nin

We will not remain tight in the bud, folded. We are not origami. We will unfurl.

We will become well-fucked women.

And it’s not about getting fucked. It’s about getting everything. It’s about stepping into your divine feminine power rather than into a pre-made media image of hot. It’s about finding the radical focus and radical presence and radical energy – you know, mojo – that nourishes every area of your life: relationship, career, body, hormones, self.

Nourish. It’s no coincidence Kim talks about food and sex (much like Geneen Roth writes ‘n preaches about food and God) and weight and sex and binge eating and sex. It’s no coincidence that more than one sexual savant (Kim Anami + Nicole Daedone) are drawing that link. Because women are hungry. For communion, meaning, presence, power, euphoria, savasanna.

Nourish. It’s no coincidence that Kim talks and writes and teaches the difference between “junk food sex” and gourmet sex. “Gourmet” sex is good for you, good for your heart, good for your life. You savour it. It’s not just sex, it’s celebration. It’s an emotional experience. It’s a story. It’s a transformation. It transforms you. It feeds you. It nourishes you.

Nourish. It’s no coincidence that the sanskrit root of the word orgasm means nourish.

Nourish. Orgasm. Gourmet Sex. Because women are hungry.

Because you are hungry.

And because you are not origami. Unfurl.

The more I opened my legs, the more I opened to life. – Kim Anami

oh me too, honey. Me too.

How ’bout you, too?


ps you ‘n me, we’ve been together awhile now, so you KNOW that in the last five years,  I’ve only said “sally forth and buy now!” about a handful of programs (literally: maybe four. this might be five). My criteria recommending/insisting? REVOLUTION. Transformation. Nothing less.

The Well-Fucked Woman Salon starts today.




About the author

Kelly Diels I'm Kelly Diels. I'm a writer. I've written for Salon, Jezebel, XO Jane, Problogger, Write to Done and more. I'm currently working on a book about The Female Lifestyle Empowerment Brand. Interested? Please subscribe to my newsletter and I'll share more thoughts and chapters with you as I write them. You can also find me on Facebook and yes please, please do.