I found you again.

Protecting the ones you love…or professionally protecting people’s intimacy because it’s the right thing to do. Yeah. I grappled with this principal for my trilogy and continue to do so with my blog.

Since I based much of my three novels on people I know, I changed all names and locations. The people I wrote about don’t know about the books and the people who read the books don’t my characters. The firewall is in place…so far.

Regarding my blog, I change the names of everyone I write about. The events however, are true. And the lessons learned are valid.

My wife asked me never to write about our personal drama, what little discourse we have. So I don’t. However, she didn’t make me promise not to publicly express my love and respect for her, so that I DO write about.

I’m happy to report my wife trusts me enough to avoid vetting and reviewing my posts. She’s too busy leaving comments on Huffington Post!

That’s my girl! She’d rather hear my stories in bed than read about them online. And that’s fine with me.

Irv

The truth? There’s more I need to say, less I need to protect, blog posts (and then some) to write that can change lives. ‘Feeling the heat of the fire you just lit, woman. As ever, thank you.

I’m working on a product for creating career bliss (the Bliss Kit) that’s part “how to” and part “story-telling”. It feels very much like my life’s work to date and it wouldn’t make any sense (e.g. why does she say this stuff? how does she know this stuff? how come she’s so sure that it’s like this? does she know what she’s saying?) if my own story weren’t shared (fully owned) as part of the puzzle. In this regard, my story (my truth) is vital to the product’s ability to do what it does – it’s credibility.

Two weeks ago, I took a deep breath and wrote my story that I will include in the Kit. I wanted to write it early to allow more grieving to happen (in case there was more grieving that wanted to happen – you can’t know stuff like that in advance).

I did this because whenever I revealed my story or parts of it in person in the past, I hated the pity and sympathy and outright disagreement people would have about my choices. I had unresolved pain (ruffled feathers) about my story evidenced by my response to them. I see now how we fill in holes when we don’t understand and would rather pretend that we are that person, but without actually understanding the other. Now I’m in a space where I feel protective of my choices, my life and my truth. And at peace with how other people respond to my story.

And I see (receive?) other people’s “intense” response as a signal that their own story is untold because their own shadow is unowned. It’s easier for us “to get all up in someone else’ business” than deal with our own isn’t it? lol

After writing my story and meditating on it for the purpose of sharing, it feels more than okay to do so now. Something happened after committing to this massive project. I feel truly welcoming of people wherever they are. Including my mother (who I don’t have a relationship with by choice, who will be most offended by the story and who loves me more than anything, but can’t stop herself from using her creativity to sabotage and so I must protect myself).

Some creative famous people (like Tyler Perry) wait for the literal death of someone to share a story like this. I guess thinking that their spirit more than their ego could give them permission.

Even though my mother’s ego will never grant me permission, I feel the blessing of her spirit. I intend no malice, I have honoured my ethics, this is about acknowledging, accepting, and liberating me, and in the same breath doing no harm. Her offense is her offense. As it always was.

I think we are all living a story in need of a conscious author. Because really, every single one of us is always authoring anyways.

Is it worth the arguments later? Is it worth explaining and standing up for myself hour after hour, phone call after phone call? I don’t care who’s feelings I hurt, because since when have those people worried about my feelings?

I do care about my writing and my life, and how much the drama will interrupt it. Small-minded, hateful people will continue to be small-minded and hateful, and maybe one day I’ll write it all down and prepare for the backlash. Right now, though, it isn’t worth my time.

Your right, it’s all a matter of choice.