Comments on: deference is icky. And temporary. Get rid of it. http://www.kellydiels.com/2011/10/15/deference-is-icky-and-temporary-get-rid-of-it/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=deference-is-icky-and-temporary-get-rid-of-it Wed, 19 Jun 2013 14:39:54 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.5.1 By: Smorgasboard of Awesome #8 | Ega Jones http://www.kellydiels.com/2011/10/15/deference-is-icky-and-temporary-get-rid-of-it/#comment-35606 Smorgasboard of Awesome #8 | Ega Jones Sun, 30 Oct 2011 16:52:50 +0000 http://www.kellydiels.com/?p=4914#comment-35606 [...] Cleavage, Deference Is Icky. And Temporary. Get Rid of it. [...]

]]> By: Debra Eve | Later Bloomer http://www.kellydiels.com/2011/10/15/deference-is-icky-and-temporary-get-rid-of-it/#comment-35600 Debra Eve | Later Bloomer Sun, 30 Oct 2011 04:36:16 +0000 http://www.kellydiels.com/?p=4914#comment-35600 So true, Kelly. You know all about my arts subsidy, aka night job. One reason I do so well there: I don’t defer to the attorneys I work with. I’m the gal who can proofread their briefs better than anyone else. They wait until I come in and slip me their work to make it shine.

Interestingly, I can’t do this anywhere else…yet.

]]> By: Jasmine http://www.kellydiels.com/2011/10/15/deference-is-icky-and-temporary-get-rid-of-it/#comment-35382 Jasmine Tue, 18 Oct 2011 20:36:04 +0000 http://www.kellydiels.com/?p=4914#comment-35382 When I was fifteen I bused tables. When I was sixteen I became a hostess. I was the queen of the Italian Villa in small town New Hampshire. I was overseeing the whole show. I made everyone feel special, I complemented ladies on their blue hair dye, I could spot conflicts before they came up and fix them, I could reorganize the table chart the way a gambler shuffles cards. The cooks loved me. The waitresses fawned over me. The costumers were putty in my hand.

Then when I was eighteen I became a waitress. I became insecure and terrified.I was no longer the princess of the province but had to stand alone at the table and keep track of too many details and be part of the conflicts and I couldn’t open wine at a table because my hands were too sweaty, and I can’t tell you how many beers went in people’s laps.

The problem. It became all about me. It became about me needing to impress the costumers and keep the kitchen happy so I could make a buck. I couldn’t do it. I quit.

Now looking back I can see how I’ve repeated this pattern over and over. I can promote anything as long as it isn’t mine alone. I can build projects, speak to large audiences, inspire communities, and flirt with the customers. But stand up and ask people to vote for me, tip me? Well, I get scared. My knees shake.

But you know what, I’m done. With your help and others I’ve realized self deference is damaging me. If I have to live with a little fear. So be it. I’ll do it. I have to much to give to not stand up. And I can no longer quit because this isn’t just a job, it’s my life.

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