The Truth About Blogging in 16 Points (AKA: Be Prepared. And It’s Your Life, Pumpkin.)

1. You don’t have to quit your day job.

2. If you do quit your day job, be prepared to scale back your lifestyle. Be prepared to make embarassing adjustments, at least temporarily. (And “temporarily” can be a very long time.) Be prepared to cross yourself before you swipe your debit card for a $4 purchase. Even if you’re not Catholic.

3. I’m not Catholic.

4. If you put yourself out there as an artist, take risks, violate taboos and social conventions, be prepared to be profoundly misunderstood. People really will say nasty shit about you and your work.

5. When I first started out, I interviewed Gretchen Rubin (best-selling author of The Happiness Project) and she gave me advice that I carry with me every day. She said, and I’m paraphrasing loosely, because I cocked up the recording (this tells you about my tech skills: darling, I am no online wunderkind),

Resist the temptation to be snarky. Remember that the people you write about are real people with real feelings and the world  is small. One day you’ll be at a convention and you’ll be introduced to the person you said such-and-such about, and you’ll wonder: does she know what I wrote? And yes, she does. Because we all have Google Alerts set for our names.

6. Set a Google Alert for your name.

7. Try not to take what they say personally. Bastards.

8. Seriously, sometimes people – even The Bastards –  fuck up. Sometimes they do and say mean things without necessarily being terrible people. They – we -  forget ourselves and our home training. We forget to let Gretchen Rubin be our Jiminy Cricket. We forget #5. When I first started out, another blogger mocked me fairly successfully and comprehensively. I responded light-heartedly, with humor. I charmed him. We became friends. He’s not actually an asshole. He just plays one online.

9. If you take on this entrepreneurial gig (and darling, if you’re an artist, you’ve GOT to be an entrepreneur), be prepared to be scared all the time. All this “overcoming fear” is bullshit. Fear is part of our human hardwiring. It will shadow you wherever you go…especially if you go to a place where you’re not sure how the mortgage or rent will get paid.

10. I know people going out on their own and going broke. I know people taking the same risk and being rewarded for it. But the truth is, I don’t personally know anyone who makes money from blogging. I have a blog. My blog doesn’t make any money. I make money by writing marketing copy – case studies, corporate profiles, biographies, web sites – and by teaching people how to write. Some of my teaching is done online. Some of it is done in person. No seller really ”makes money online”, just as no seller makes money from a retail space. The business is the business. The venue – physical, virtual – is the home for the business.

11. Actually, maybe I do make money from blogging. Sometimes corporations and businesses hire me to ghost-write blogs. I get paid for that, so technically speaking I do make money from blogging. Just not from my own blog.

12. I digress.

13. Confession: I’m not a particularly good entrepreneur. I’m not terribly interested in business or selling. I’m a pretty good writer and I’m becoming a better writer, and along the way to being a much better writer I sell my writing services and teach people how to improve their writing. I could do that out of an office or a university class room. I could go to networking events with business cards. Instead, I write and post pieces on my blog. People who like my work hire me to write for them or to teach them how to write. There’s no special secret to it. There are lots of learnings and techniques you pick up along the way. If you’ve got a lot of time and inclination, you can figure it all out yourself. Everything you need to know is out there, online, for free. You just have to spend the time finding it, reading it, trying it, applying it. One of my friends – an indie film director – told me that you can’t triangulate productivity. You can do something something fast, cheap, or well but you cannot simultaneously satisfy all three criteria. If you want to do it fast and cheap, you sacrifice “well”. You can do it fast and well, but it won’t be cheap. You can do it cheap and well, but it won’t be fast. So if you’ve got time but no money, you can still make it, honey. Or if you’ve got some money but not a lot of time, you hire people to help, either with advice or services. And so on.

14. There’s no guarantee you’ll make any money at your thing, whatever that thing is. There are months – not very many of them – that I make $9  or $10K. One month – one! - I made $11K and change. Some months I make $1-2K. There are more months on the low end of the scale than the high end, and for the most part that’s okay with me. It’s what I chose. I get by not because I’m killing it, financially, but because I scaled back my lifestyle (remember #2?) and because I’m disciplined and scared enough to save the proceeds from the big months to cover the tiny ones. I probably could make more money if I spent more time hustling but I’m just not so inclined. I’m not out to be a business savant. I’m here to write. Everything I do to make money is about keeping me consistently fed and sheltered so I can keep writing. One day I’m going to be a pretty good writer.

15. Ultimately, my goal isn’t to get rich by making money online (that much is already obvious, yes?). I just wanna be a writer. This platform building thang is about building an audience and a community so people will read my work, and about writing regularly. Having a blog is a writing practice. The copywriting and teaching is how I pay the bills while I’m honing my craft, becoming a better writer, and making inroads into the publishing world. Blogging isn’t only about content marketing – I’ve publicly taken issue with that model – it can be about developing as a person and as an artist. Blogging doesn’t have to make you a dime to be a worthwhile and transformative practice.

16. Do what you want to do. Don’t listen to me. This is your life, darling. You’ve got to make sure you’re happy with how you’re living it.

Close Encounters of the Country Kind + My New Cultural Attache

Sunday dinner. Roast beef, mashed potatoes, my parents. (My parents are not in fact on the menu.) My children are ecstatic. POTATOES, people! We don’t ever eat potatoes at home because they’re a nutrition-free, tasteless waste of time and calories. Also, I just don’t like ‘em so I don’t cook ‘em. In short, in the deprived eyes (and stomachs) of my kidlets: mashed-potato-making Grandma is the bomb.

So Grandma handles the dinner and Grandpa, the dinner music. I hear a lot of the old standards – The Beatles, Santana, Van Morrison - and then I catch something new.  Surprised, I ask, “Is this Maroon 5? When did you start listening to Maroon 5?”. A few minutes later there’s more surprise. Distinctive twanging. Country.

Country?!

“Why are we listening to country?” Now I’m surprised and concerned.

“It’s your dad’s new favourite song,” explains my mother.

I gaze at him with great worry.

“Just listen to the lyrics,” he says. “Wisdom.”

And here’s some sagacity in the form of a chorus:

God is great. Beer is good. People are crazy.

———-

Next week, two more surprises.

1. The doorbell rings at midnight and although burglars and mass murderers probably select other modes of late-night entry, I’m terrified. I peek through the blinds and can’t quite grasp what I’m seeing. My loverloverman, who should be working 2,700 gazillion million miles away in the Yukon, is not in the Yukon. He’s at the door.

I can’t even describe to you my reaction because it’s a blur. And the next few days are a gorgeous haze, too.

But there are some moments that are crystalline in their clarity. He finds songs for me – us – to listen to. They all have messages. A Paul Anka tune he starts singing in the shower and then plays for me when he gets out makes me cry.

God bless Youtube and towel-clad sentimental men.

2. Later, he plays me…some country. My R&B, soul-loving, house-listening, city-loving Trinidadian listens to country music? Since when? I’m having a tower-made-of-mashed-potatoes moment. Clearly he’s been body-snatched.

“The guys up there listen to a lot of country. This one’s pretty good. Listen to the lyrics,” he tells me.

But I’m occupied by the video. “There’s a black man in a country video! OMG, there’s TWO BLACK MEN! And ONE IS RAPPING! What kind of country music is this?!”

It’s Colt Ford featuring Nappy Roots (I couldn’t make this stuff up) and Nic Cowan and it’s not too bad. The lyrics are in fact pretty sweet. And if we ever live on a beach, we’re absolutely building a slide rather than a dock. If you build it, they will come.

———

Two is a coincidence, three is a trend, yes? This week I posted some Shania Twain on Facebook. ‘Cuz that’s how drunk in love I am. We’re having close encounters of the country kind.

——————

And this disconcerting trend towards country means I feel the need to round out my playlist and cultural influences. For that, I turn to my good friend Stephen Kelly. Ten years ago Mr. Kelly made my acquaintance by mercilessly harassing the DJ at The Nepal in Hsin-Chu, Taiwan into playing and dedicating “Oops I Did It Again” to me.

Obviously he has impeccable taste, recognized my essence and as such we were meant to be forever friends. Even more obviously, I’ve dubbed him my Culture/Entertainment Stylist. Here are his recent recommendations:

TV

Gavin and Stacey. I especially appreciate Nessa who takes up baby-wearing because it’s “easier for me to smoke“.

If You’re in The Neighbourhood…

The London production of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.

Breakfast at John’s Place in Victoria, BC. Stephen ate there every day he was in Victoria. (But really, this was my pick. It was my fave joint when I lived in that hood. I’d rather go to John’s for breakfast than anywhere for dinner. They have warmed cream cheese syrup.)

Film

Atom Egoyan’s Adoration. Mr. Kelly was knocked out by Scott Speedman, whom I only know from Felicity. That being said, I personally highly recommend Exotica, also by Atom Egoyan.

Books

All things Bill Brysom but most recently, Home.

Music

Paloma Faith. Whoa. Her album is called Do You Want the Truth or Something Beautiful and my answer is YES. Her voice, her aesthetic, her vibe, the car in Desire (oh god, I want it), the song New York, her live performances, her duet with Cee Lo…ADORE. I now have an overwhelming urge to wear strapless cocktail dresses during the day. Grocery shopping. Bowling. Everywhere.

It will happen. Trust.

And, finally, my favourite, Teenage Dirtbag as covered by The Ukelele Orchestra of Great Britain.  I dare you not to love it. IMPOSSIBLE.

Being on Fire Ignites ALL the Rooms in Your Lifehouse (The Redux)

Mr. Anonymous: I am feeling slutty.
Kelly: Was it the porn shirt? I would totally LOVE to take credit for this.
Mr. Anonymous: Well I think it is the anticipation of wearing it.
Kelly: Excellent. It has magical powers!
Mr. Anonymous: Clearly. Though my head constantly flirting with me is boosting my ego no end.
Kelly: That is the best line ever. Hold on while I cut and paste and plagiarize it.
Mr. Anonymous: You know I mean my headteacher and not my physical head, yes?
Kelly: We don’t call headmasters head masters in Canada so it took me a moment.
Mr. Anonymous: He’s called the Headteacher.
Kelly: We call them “principals”.
Mr. Anonymous: Headmaster is very old fashioned and refers only to men.
Kelly: Are you going to have wild unruly sex with him?
Mr. Anonymous: No.
Kelly: Prude.
Mr. Anonymous: He has a bf…
Kelly: Ah. Morals. Pesky things, those.
Mr. Anonymous: …who is also a friend of mine.
Kelly: Yep, you are in the no-sexing zone.
Mr. Anonymous: Which is fine and the harmless flirting is great fun: “Doing a good job of looking hot in those jeans, Mr. Anonymous”.
Kelly: Oh. Again. Stealing that. Taking out the “Mr.” and “Anonymous” and inserting “Kelly”. It is now mine. He IS promiscuous. He’s flirting with ME too.
Mr. Anonymous: He called me into his office one day because someone told him off for flirting and he said “Do I really flirt with you?” and I said “yes”. And he said “well it must be unconcious but you are so my type”.
Kelly: I think we’re all too ramped up and cautious about workplace flirting. Flirting is not the same thing as sexual harassment. Flirting is no big deal. It is human. ‘Course that’s only as long as it is welcome and not creepy.
Mr. Anonymous: It is very flattering.
Kelly: YES!
Mr. Anonymous: It’s his way of saying he likes me.
Kelly: Yes! Me, too. I would flirt with a rock and often do.
Mr. Anonymous: And he’s so charming. you just get sucked in.
Kelly: See, this just sounds delicious! Yay, happy workplace. That’s just good for morale.
Mr. Anonymous: He’s one of those very sexy types – not attractive – but the sexiness you get from someone who knows what they are doing and are absolutely passionate about.
Kelly: I love that. That’s deeply hot.
Mr. Anonymous: And it’s very easy to be in his company.
Kelly: And so…you feel slutty? Or is that unrelated?
Mr. Anonymous: They are related. Deeply and truly. Like twins. He’s made me feel hot.
Kelly: mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…that cannot be appreciated enough. That’s gratifying.
Mr. Anonymous: Yes it is.
Mr. Anonymous: Which is why I love my new boss and the wonderful school he has created.
Kelly: Yes! Passion transcends and transforms all arenas of our lives. If you’re passionate in one area it leaks over into all of the others. Ever since I embraced my writerliness I am a man-magnet. It is related. being on fire is HOT.
Mr. Anonymous: And I am on fire.
Kelly: Yes you are baby!
Mr. Anonymous: It’s amazing.
Kelly: Amazing and juicy and generative. So good for the soul. Now take that I-feel-hottishness and sally forth. In your porn shirt.

_____________________

*This is piece is, shall we say, a redux. (Or a re-post). I read Danielle LaPorte’s piece today and thought YES. EXACTLY. Being fulfilled and creatively on fire IS the fuel for getting shiz done. And so this re-post is an affirmation and a reminder. We don’t have to be time-management contortionists and slaves to systems. We just have to connect with the things that light us up…and the fire will spread.

**Some names have been changed to protect the morally suspect.

*** Nobody else’s boyfriend or relationship was harmed or sexed in the making of this post.

****The porn shirt is mostly a joke unless of course you want to buy it.