Comments on: the gift of mid-life love

By: Divine, earned. | Small Hands, Big Ideas

Divine, earned. | Small Hands, Big Ideas — Wed, 16 May 2012 13:49:41 +0000

[...] Divine, earned. 2012 May 16 by Grace Boyle A fight isn’t the end of the world. An argument doesn’t mean it’s over. Gentleness is godliness. Kindness is strength. Patience is powerful. This knowledge comes from the stars…and scars. Divine, earned. -Kelly Diels [...]

By: Jess

Jess — Mon, 16 May 2011 12:58:49 +0000

I agree with Dawn – it’s SO helpful to read y’all’s wisdom so the fumbling around doesn’t take so long. Sadly, I only realized how important all this is at the end of a relationship, like OH, THAT is why it hurt so much & didn’t work! . . . This concept & your comments are so reassuring to me as a woman preparing for mid-life love.

xoxo

By: dawn

dawn — Mon, 16 May 2011 02:51:24 +0000

…and how much we young ones learn about loving better now (in our late 20s) from the wisdom you all share.

I am continually amazed at how much better I am at being kind and gentle and patient (or at least that I strive to be those things more consciously, more deliberately) at 27 than I was when I entered this decade. I can only imagine what will be true as other decades pass.

Thank you, Kelly (and Ronna and Michele), for all you share. Thank you for all you teach.

By: KatieP

KatieP — Sun, 15 May 2011 02:14:59 +0000

As a woman completely consumed by a mid-life passion that obliterates anything that came before, I love the notion of stars and scars, divine and earned. Perfect.

By: Shari

Shari — Sat, 14 May 2011 22:31:03 +0000

Kelly,
Wow – this is me. At 45 and with my husband for 30 years (we “went together” for 8 years before we were married), I have finally realized that there is a direct correlation to when I am patient, kind and wise and the state of my marriage. When my “drama queen story tellers” were in their wings puttin on their costumes, I need to realize that, “Hey, that’s my story and it may not be reality.” The kinder I am to my husband, the more passionate he is with me. Great post.
Shari D.

By: Michele

Michele — Sat, 14 May 2011 20:58:00 +0000

Thanks for this, Kelly.

I am so with you. Grownup love is simultaneously messier and more rooted in kindness than my girl-loves were, even with this man (of 14 years together).

Last night, in the night, we had a bit of a fight… I am learning that part of my kindness to him is to not withhold my anger (and have it fart out sideways in some inadvertent way later, right?!). I told him I was pissed off by his reactivity (not to me, but about another situation). That accelerated the upset (aah.. that’s the mess I’ve been trying not to make by withholding my anger!). But then I went into the hotel room bathroom he’d retreated to. Head down, clearly telegraphing submission, I said, “I love you. What I MOST WANT NOW is sleep. That’ll work lots better with you next to me. I think that’s what you most want too. We can duke this out later if needed. Come back to bed?” He immediately got it. Followed. Held me. I woke to an apologetic note on the nightstand.

I think we only learn this deep, sweet, fiesty love by fumbling through it. The theories of relationship never served us as well as the practice does now.

By: Ronna

Ronna — Sat, 14 May 2011 20:48:24 +0000

Mmmmmm. I’m SO in this place. SO grateful. And SO aware of just how rich, solid, and shockingly gorgeous it can be. Preach it, woman!