I know the entire blog entry was not based on that line – and this line just lead upto what you wanted to say. But the fascinating thing is, that the moment I read that line…It stirred me. And I didn’t really care what the rest of the post said.

Thank you for stirring me…

Maybe these are excuses. But I don’t care. I’m really into loving my fears and trusting in the deep ebb that carries us.

Thanks for the conversation.

You’ve brought up a number of topics: Soul searching, facing our fears, procrastination within the art of writing and making hard choices within relationships. It’s difficult to examine these issues within a paragraph or two, but I’ll try.

Procrastination within writing? I see procrastination as creative “processing,” as you do. I also agree with you about relationships: Saying yes about intimacy to Person A may mean a no to Person B, and hence, a door shut on that journey forever. I have a third agreement with your quote about seeking barriers to love within ourselves. But here is where we part. As we go inside to unwind our barriers to accepting love, we also have the opportunity to seek the reasons that built those barriers, as in the fears that set them in place. But fear is such a vague word. It’s one-size-fits-all term for the complexity of the human soul. So doing battle with fear is similar to throwing spears at castle walls without ever glimpsing the enemy within.

For me, those walls of fear got in the way of my happiness and business successes. So I set out to scale the battlements and meet the enemy. Well, I did scale the walls only to find other ones inside, and more inside those, and more and more surrounding the last bastion of defense, a dungeon protecting my Ego; a self made definition that makes me, ME. That confrontation, which I hoped would free me, is the battle I believe you’re referring to when you say, “the thing you attack always fights back.”

You’re right, but sometimes there are exceptions. Many years ago my ego surrendered when I was ready to die, and for a brief 90 seconds I connected to who I really was, and not the definition I had created for myself. That’s how I know we don’t need the dragons although we have BECOME the dragons.

A year ago I was gifted three sessions with a shaman. Immediately after, many of my dragons wondered away on their own fruition. They no longer felt at home, for I had changed, and in just a few hours. Amazing but true. You cannot fight the dragons but you can take their food away. For me, their food was a parental abandonment issue that I had never emotionally resolved. So much of Me grew out of that. When I no longer carried the resentment and anger, the food my for dragons, they got bored and left.

Irv

Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love. (Rilke)

Love this one and, of course, you, my friend.