God, Sex, and Dazzling Sentences
“I’m fucking for God.”
I didn’t say it. Martin Luther King Jr did.
(IF possibly imaginary CIA wiretaps-and-transcripts and biographers Taylor Branch, Marshall Frady and “friend” Ralph Abernathy are to be believed.)
I read that line twenty-two years ago and never forgot it.
I was fifteen. I’d just seen MLK’s “I have a dream” speech. Water was in my eyes and fire was in my loins. I was moved by his passion. I wanted more of him. I wanted him.
Alas, he was dead.
And so the biography aisle at the local library would have to do. I was ready to be inspired by his larger-than-life excellence, righteousness and heroics: Time Magazine Man of the Year (1963). The Nobel Peace Prize (1964). The Civil Rights Movement. Loving husband. Devoted family man. Divinely-inspired poet/preacher. Martyr.
Oh yes, I wanted lots of that hot stuff.
Greedy, I started with the biggest, thickest book (that’s the way I like most things).
I was looking for the story behind those soul-stirring speeches and unflagging commitment to justice. I was looking for a manual of how I too could become that extraordinary and selfless. I was looking to worship a hero.
Instead, I read pageafterpageafterpageafterpageafterpage (you get the idea) detailing my beloved MLK’s affairs, orgies, and just plain lewd talk.
Now, that wouldn’t phase me. Some might even say I like that sort of thing. But then…
Then I was fifteen, idealistic, and a virgin. Then it was all very simple – and confusing.
And so I’m still mad at the writer of that biography. I was convinced he was lying. I suspected he was a sheet-wearing racist who wanted to discredit a great man – because you’re either a great man or a cheater. I hadn’t yet expanded my morality to include both/and. It was either/or. And so MLK had to be one or the other: how could he be a man of God and a man fucking for God?
I can’t remember the name of that writer or the title of that book but I still remember that sentence.
‘Course, the biographer can’t really take credit for it – that’s (allegedly) allllll MLK, baby – but it has stayed with me and formed the basis for two of my pet theories:
- that compelling, talented writers compose dazzling sentences (I’m not singing solo on this); and
- that passionate sexuality and passionate spirituality are not oppositional but part of the same longing.
For connection. For communion. For ecstasy. For transcendence. For rapture. For redemption.
And maybe for some holy words.
Like: I love you.
Or: Love each other.
Because in the beginning was The Word.
————-
Sunday School for Sentences will be a sixteen-part series. Missed one? Here they are:
- Sunday School for Sentences #1: Explain the Expected in Unexpected Ways
- Sunday School for Sentences #2: The (Textual) Reverse Cowgirl
- Sunday School for Sentences #3: Object Lessons (from Kanye West and JD Salinger)
- Sunday School for Sentences #4: How to Give Good Quote
- Sunday School For Sentences #5: Why You Should Write Bad Poetry
- Sunday School for Sentences #6: Two Damn Fine Writing Tips
- Sunday School for Sentences #7: There Are No Magic Words
- Sunday School for Sentences #8: How To Execute a Climax or Series of Climaxes. I’m talking About Writing. Mostly.
- Sunday School for Sentences #9: Thread the Grommets, Lace the Corset, Feed the Rabbits
- Sunday School For Sentences #10 – Work It
- Sunday School for Sentences #11: The Pigs In Space Edition
- Sunday School for Sentences #12: Screw SEO. I Write (Wackadoo Titles) for PEOPLE, Not Search Engines. And So Should You.
- Sunday School for Sentences #13: How to Write an Intimate Cosmology of Cheesecake, Cheesecake Shots (or not) and Shoplifting
- Sunday School for Sentences #14: What Picasso And Dave Chappelle Know about Writing. For Realz.
About the author
- More at
Love. Love this. Right? that passionate sexuality and passionate spirituality are not oppositional but part of the same longing. So yes. So wonderful. Thank you!
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on August 26th, 2010 at 7:57 am
@Megan Matthieson, I’m so glad you liked it. This is truly how *I* feel – and I wonder if maybe we ought not be so surprised by sex scandals involving preachers…or maybe we should continue being surprised, because we should practice what we preach and expect others to as well. Maybe. I’m guilty of not walking my walk, too.
[Reply]
Intriguing, yet profound. Si MLK etait moi qui serai je. Un reveur, un visionaire bref j’ attendrai mon potentiel. If my will was as strong as my lust Freud’s theory would be erroneous. Recollection by lack of smart comment? I have dreamed of a word where I would be a writer then I skipped literature classes to pursue my lust. I long for a book with my name as the other, yet I can’t spell it.
Such passionate writing with such a careless and debonair attitude. I applaud your craft.
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on August 26th, 2010 at 8:01 am
@Dom, Dominique, I can’t tell if you like it or hate it! Is this – “I would be a writer then I skipped literature classes to pursue my lust” – aimed at me?
(Because I did both. Went to the classes AND pursued my lust.)
I’m glad you were moved to comment. Tu es dans mes pensees. Merci.
[Reply]
I love this! I don’t think that there is much of a difference between sensual and spiritual when you get into the nitty-gritty of it all.
A year later and I’m still loving your style. Keep wowing me!
You would have to write this as I’m currently writing my rant on love and how we express it! Way to gloriously throw me off my train of thought!
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on August 26th, 2010 at 8:03 am
@ocbenji, when I’m on fire, it moves through every room of my life house – just like I said about the “I have a dream” speech. Upon seeing it, I was moved, touched, inspired to be a better person – and HORNY.
Can’t wait to see your rant on love.
[Reply]
Oh so so true. Passion is just so sexy & you’ve reminded me that when I’m at my most passionate about work, life, sport – I’m definitely the most lusty! Thanks again for your wonderful way with words.
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on August 26th, 2010 at 8:03 am
@Louise, me too, Louise! Thank you for your kind words. xo.
[Reply]
Mmmmmmmm.
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on August 26th, 2010 at 8:04 am
@Ronna, ditto to the nth degree. mwah.
[Reply]
So true! I love the MLK quote, whether he actually said it or not. I love your words. I soak in them and then your words heal the disparities I see sometimes.
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on August 26th, 2010 at 8:04 am
@Nicki, that’s an incredible, bone-and-soul deep compliment. Thank you. Your words just soothed *me*.
[Reply]
Thank you so much for writing about this because I was thinking about that exact line the other day while on the treadmill.
I remember reading that line too and thinking that was an awesome line because it was real. I mean…intense people like MLK are passionate people and so what if they liked sex…they were human. It does not take away from what the dude did with his life. Plus…none of us are perfect. We are all works in progress.
[Reply]
Kelly – I’ve always wondered about that MLK quote. I thought the first time it was published was in the 1998 Taylor Branch book, but you say you read it in a biography 22 years ago – 1988. I know you say you can’t remember the book, but I’d sure like to know. Anyone else have a clue? There’s SO much controversy around it that I think it’s important to know any earlier reference.
Thanks!
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on August 26th, 2010 at 12:08 pm
@Ann, I spent some time last night googling it, too, because my dates don’t work.
I remember doing a report on MLK in grade 10, which meant I was 15, when means 1988. And I have definitely read Pillar of Fire, but I must have read that much later, in University, because that book was published in the late nineties (Branch’s previous MLK book was published in 1991, which is still too late to have worked for that reference when I was 15).
So…either there IS an earlier biography that contains that reference – there’s several, since – or I’ve conflated my later reading of Pillar of Fire with my first foray into MLKs life. Memory is a tricky business.
AND – that quote may or may not be real. The footnotes explaining that quote make it clear that none of the biographers have read ANY CIA transcripts containing those words. Instead, Branch attributes it to the verbal statements by several FBI agents who say that such transcripts exist, and subsequent biographers quote Branch.
[Reply]
jscott
replied:
on September 19th, 2010 at 3:15 pm
@Kelly Diels,
The mixing and matching of stories and memories…
The above comment is stone carved art. Love it.
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Well thinking about great and lusty man, I couldn’t help but wonder. Why does it cost a man 750 Millions for loving a woman and trying to make her the center of ones’ universe (even if it’s paved with brazing stones that you don’t know about! I mean what you don’t know don’t hurt you) when it only cost couple hundreds (thousands I presume) to be the center of the universe for hundreds of women.(I’m talking Tiger here) I mean most great man fall from grace once the woman they cheated on stops loving them (or just is ready to cash in). Did MLK get shot as a consequence of his wife not loving him anymore? (bare with me, I haven’t read the bio)
[Reply]
Again, incredible writing about thought-provoking subjects! That’s why I wait for your new posts every week. The discussions are so relevant and heady.
For me, this essay suggests two topics: our tendency to judge our heroes, mentors, family and friends by our own standards (which I do but know I shouldn’t), and what constitutes moral behavior when it comes to sexuality. Both themes are connected by one central question: Is anyone getting “hurt” who doesn’t want to participate in the game?
Regarding my heroes falling from grace? In my mind they do when they KNOWINGLY do something deceitful which will adversely affect someone else. And this situation applies to sexual passion as well. It’s not the act that can be destructive, it’s the lies needed to make it happen. And sure, we’ve all all done that. And some of us have no problem with the collateral damage. Some HEROES don’t either. And here’s where it gets tricky. If I believe lying and cheating is immoral because misled people get hurt in the process, does that concept apply to everyone else? Is THOU SHALL NOT LIE truly a universal rule? Was Dr. King’s family damaged when they discovered his affairs? Was I? Were you? And if so, does anyone have the moral high ground to shout, “BAD man!” Or should we condone “fucking for God” with an admission, “He was just being human.”
So here we are, asking if just-being-human justifies hurting people.
Irv
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on August 28th, 2010 at 9:35 am
@Irving Podolsky, You know, Irv, I really ought to give you a dedicated space every week, because your thinking and comments are pieces in themselves.
Really I only wanted to make two points: that passion and fire burns into every room of your house – for good or for bad. I’m personally not terribly surprised when I hear of religious sex scandals. A preacher on fire for God? I’m willing to bet that sexually he burns, he burns, he burns – even if the words he’s preaching condemn the heat.
But what you’re talking about is way more interesting.
Do we lend compassion to our fellow flawed humans for their mistakes? Or is offering understanding the same as condoning bad behaviour? And what is the standard for bad behaviour?
I have no doubt that cheating on your spouse is grievously injurious to your partner and your family. The web of lies, as you said, is probably more damaging than the sex. The most valuable gift we give each other is trust – and to willfully destroy it seems to be to be a sin.
This is a huge, enduring, universal issue. I’m so glad you took it up and made me think.
[Reply]
Irving Podolsky
replied:
on August 28th, 2010 at 10:12 pm
@Kelly Diels, Yes…TRUST…
The most precious treasure we’ll ever find. And once it’s broken, it will never get whole again.
Thanks for your reply, Kelly. I truly enjoy tossing ideas around with you and your friends here on this site.
Take care,
Irv
[Reply]
A classic example of what you are teaching your loyal subjects on how to blog.
Killer opening line. Tons of emotion. Plenty of white space. Compelling. One of your best. And that’s saying a lot.
[Reply]
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