Another inspiring post — thank, Kelly.

THAT’S WHAT I MEANT TO SAY…

IRv

I certainly agree with your premise: trying to hide and deny feelings is dishonest and destructive. It’s also unproductive. You said a lot more than that, of course, and covered different types of emotional pain. The pain of loss probably cuts the deepest, and that’s something only time will heal, as cliché as that sounds.

But there’s another kind of emotional discomfort which I carry way too much of, and wish I could jettison most, if not all of it. It’s feeling like I’m not good enough, or I’ve failed in some way, or I’m not getting the love and appreciation I deserve, or life is not going as planned, or I’ll run out of cash tomorrow, or all of the above. These ideas floating around in my head, which most of the time are not actually happening, generate depressing feelings that take the luster off my enthusiasm and creativity. The hurting in my heart also makes me impatient with myself and others, grouchy and gloomy. I’m no fun to be around, inside and outside of myself.

But I’ve been taught from wise old souls that negative feelings can be useful, up to a point. They tell us when we are mentally out of alignment with our core intentions and our true being. Like blaring warning horns, they scream STOP WHAT YOU’RE THINKING! YOU ARE FOCUSING ON A RESISTANCE WHICH IS IN CONTRADICTION TO WHAT YOU WANT! Meaning, Irv’s not living in the moment of WHAT IS. He’s submerged in fear about what MIGHT BE.

That said, I wish I COULD live in the moment, more than for just a moment…or two. I’d be happier. I’d feel more free. I’d be kinder to others and myself.

But alas, I do worry and fret, usually about tomorrow. And when that happens, everything is not okay. And although I wish I could feign faith, it just doesn’t come, and I end up mouthing the words, “This too shall pass.” Yeah, it’s transitory, until something comes along that comes close to matching what I want. Then I’m happy again. And that’s okay I guess, but this happiness shit should really be coming from outside me and not from turn of events.

Irv

While I often tell others to dive headfirst into the pain because the only way out is through, I also know that diving in is H*A*R*D and sometimes really tears us down. Do I do it every time? No. Sometimes I eat my way through (oh hai, pants that don’t fit!), sometimes I bury it and sometimes, just sometimes, I let myself sit in the stew and marinate in the pain.

It is transitory but hard to see that in the middle of a breakdown when the world has narrowed so much that all you see is what’s in front of you.

Sending a hug and a special “Wand of Happiness” you can use when needed.

Somehow I am wired to be real no matter what. While I can put on a quiet face for social interactions as absolutely needed (and there are circumstances where it’s needed), I prefer to be real, especially in my writing/social-networking. Sometimes that’s the only place I can be witnessed. And I think it’s important that those of us who are willing to share our stories, do so with complete honesty. It’s where true connection lies. It’s usually my most vulnerable postings that touch people deeply.

Sometimes being real means exuberant joy (aren’t we just as afraid of being publicly exuberant as we are of being weepy?). Sometimes that means I’m in the throes of grief. And sometimes it means I’m in the wilderness of apathy. It’s a journey and the terrain continually changes.

Resistance creates suffering. You and Dave are right on that it’s the moving through the emotions that matters.

I’ll add to the rest of all of your smart-cookieness that being afraid of being in an emotion (or experience) creates an even more toxic space…we avoid situations that may elicit such responses. Back my coach training, we were offered the visual of a circle (representing a client’s life) and then asked to draw in that circle OTHER circles intended to depict what clients (and just about anyone with a pulse) may not want to “be with” (i.e. sadness, disappointment, fear, anger, disconnect). It became apparent how little white space was left in which to move around. If we are constantly avoiding a situation for fear of bumping up against an ignited emotion, well, life can get pretty narrow.

Exploring and experiencing an emotion in a real and meaningful way can help us to learn how to dial up and dial down what’s here, right now. In this precious moment.

Thank you, K, for your truth and honesty and frickin’ off-the-charts “hell’s ya!”. As ever.
XOX