Comments on: boundaries vs disposable friendships: a checklist http://www.kellydiels.com/2010/07/06/boundaries-vs-disposable-friendships-a-checklist/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=boundaries-vs-disposable-friendships-a-checklist Cleavage is about the three things everyone wants more of: sex, money and meaning. Kelly Diels is writing through the lines that shape us. Wed, 01 Feb 2012 22:52:38 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1.3 By: boundaries in relationships http://www.kellydiels.com/2010/07/06/boundaries-vs-disposable-friendships-a-checklist/comment-page-1/#comment-35179 boundaries in relationships Tue, 04 Oct 2011 22:57:56 +0000 http://www.kellydiels.com/?p=3023#comment-35179 <strong>boundaries in relationships...</strong> [...]boundaries vs disposable friendships: a checklist | Cleavage by Kelly Diels.[...]... boundaries in relationships…

[...]boundaries vs disposable friendships: a checklist | Cleavage by Kelly Diels.[...]…

]]> By: Runner http://www.kellydiels.com/2010/07/06/boundaries-vs-disposable-friendships-a-checklist/comment-page-1/#comment-32284 Runner Wed, 04 Aug 2010 13:40:43 +0000 http://www.kellydiels.com/?p=3023#comment-32284 From a 'guy' perspective reduce the list to three and only three items. 1, Did I ask for exactly what I need in specific, concrete terms they understood? 2. Did I ask for exactly what I need in specific, concrete terms they understood? 3. Did I ask for exactly what I need in specific, concrete terms they understood? If you can answer'Yes' unequivically all three times then get that person out of your life as soon as possible and don't look back. From a ‘guy’ perspective reduce the list to three and only three items.

1, Did I ask for exactly what I need in specific, concrete terms they understood?
2. Did I ask for exactly what I need in specific, concrete terms they understood?
3. Did I ask for exactly what I need in specific, concrete terms they understood?

If you can answer’Yes’ unequivically all three times then get that person out of your life as soon as possible and don’t look back.

]]> By: Anastasia http://www.kellydiels.com/2010/07/06/boundaries-vs-disposable-friendships-a-checklist/comment-page-1/#comment-32254 Anastasia Fri, 23 Jul 2010 13:38:24 +0000 http://www.kellydiels.com/?p=3023#comment-32254 I love that song. I love that song.

]]> By: Maria de los Angeles http://www.kellydiels.com/2010/07/06/boundaries-vs-disposable-friendships-a-checklist/comment-page-1/#comment-32253 Maria de los Angeles Fri, 23 Jul 2010 02:16:19 +0000 http://www.kellydiels.com/?p=3023#comment-32253 Next time I am challenged I will remember this list. Next time I am challenged I will remember this list.

]]> By: Jesse http://www.kellydiels.com/2010/07/06/boundaries-vs-disposable-friendships-a-checklist/comment-page-1/#comment-32210 Jesse Sat, 10 Jul 2010 22:31:23 +0000 http://www.kellydiels.com/?p=3023#comment-32210 <a href="#comment-32174" rel="nofollow">@Wendy</a>, Yes. I got back in the canoe recently. I'm seeing that we are paddling in sync this time. It helped a lot that I quit hitting him over the head with my paddle each and every time he didn't fulfill one of my needs. When I backed off, he started paddling more enthusiastically. @Wendy, Yes. I got back in the canoe recently. I’m seeing that we are paddling in sync this time. It helped a lot that I quit hitting him over the head with my paddle each and every time he didn’t fulfill one of my needs. When I backed off, he started paddling more enthusiastically.

]]> By: My Favorite Posts- Week Ending July 9 | Gurls Asylum http://www.kellydiels.com/2010/07/06/boundaries-vs-disposable-friendships-a-checklist/comment-page-1/#comment-32202 My Favorite Posts- Week Ending July 9 | Gurls Asylum Fri, 09 Jul 2010 18:29:15 +0000 http://www.kellydiels.com/?p=3023#comment-32202 [...] easy it is to slip into the latter while calling it the first. She came up with a totally AWESOME check list to help us all decide if we are giving up too soon on a relationship of any type as [...] [...] easy it is to slip into the latter while calling it the first. She came up with a totally AWESOME check list to help us all decide if we are giving up too soon on a relationship of any type as [...]

]]> By: Gurl http://www.kellydiels.com/2010/07/06/boundaries-vs-disposable-friendships-a-checklist/comment-page-1/#comment-32191 Gurl Thu, 08 Jul 2010 01:10:04 +0000 http://www.kellydiels.com/?p=3023#comment-32191 Beautiful Answer to your questions Kelly... A check list that we all need to use from time to time. I just may end up quoting this one in a future post of my own...Yes, its that damned good. ^5s Beautiful Answer to your questions Kelly… A check list that we all need to use from time to time. I just may end up quoting this one in a future post of my own…Yes, its that damned good. ^5s

]]> By: Irving Podolsky http://www.kellydiels.com/2010/07/06/boundaries-vs-disposable-friendships-a-checklist/comment-page-1/#comment-32184 Irving Podolsky Wed, 07 Jul 2010 07:42:50 +0000 http://www.kellydiels.com/?p=3023#comment-32184 Dear Kelly, I missed your July 4th commentary but read it with this one tonight. Synchronicity never ceases to amaze me! Just last week I ended two "friendship-TYPE" relationships because, as it turned out, they weren't friendships to begin with. I ended another close connection four months ago, and my sister ended her relationship with ME over the past year. All of these disconnects happened for very different reasons, each deep and complicated; and as complex and primal as your previous post. One "friend" tried to rob me of my self esteem and confidence. The second "friend" would not stop denying his insincerity, false affection, and basic disinterest in my life. The third "friend," while dying of cancer, sucked me into his black hole of rage, retaliation, and self destruction. And my sister? Well, since she abruptly stopped talking to me, without explanation, I can only surmise her reasons. But I suspect our parting is a gift in disguise. How do I feel about these break-ups? Like you, I've asked the same questions, and my conclusion is this, as I've said it before: Surface and casual "friendships" are fine, but they don't feed my soul. The relationship I seek, be it a marriage or a intimate friendship, must be grounded in honesty, loyalty, and commitment. Anything less than that is disposable. Yet... I still wonder, am I expecting too much of people? Should I judge behavior by MY standards? Or theirs? Ya know what, Kelly? Probably both. But still, my heart knows what it needs to grow, both for myself and the person I love. If that's not happening, if I'm not getting AND giving honesty, loyalty, and commitment, I will no longer pretend that I am. Irv Dear Kelly,

I missed your July 4th commentary but read it with this one tonight. Synchronicity never ceases to amaze me! Just last week I ended two “friendship-TYPE” relationships because, as it turned out, they weren’t friendships to begin with. I ended another close connection four months ago, and my sister ended her relationship with ME over the past year. All of these disconnects happened for very different reasons, each deep and complicated; and as complex and primal as your previous post. One “friend” tried to rob me of my self esteem and confidence. The second “friend” would not stop denying his insincerity, false affection, and basic disinterest in my life. The third “friend,” while dying of cancer, sucked me into his black hole of rage, retaliation, and self destruction. And my sister? Well, since she abruptly stopped talking to me, without explanation, I can only surmise her reasons. But I suspect our parting is a gift in disguise.

How do I feel about these break-ups? Like you, I’ve asked the same questions, and my conclusion is this, as I’ve said it before: Surface and casual “friendships” are fine, but they don’t feed my soul. The relationship I seek, be it a marriage or a intimate friendship, must be grounded in honesty, loyalty, and commitment. Anything less than that is disposable.

Yet… I still wonder, am I expecting too much of people? Should I judge behavior by MY standards? Or theirs? Ya know what, Kelly? Probably both. But still, my heart knows what it needs to grow, both for myself and the person I love. If that’s not happening, if I’m not getting AND giving honesty, loyalty, and commitment, I will no longer pretend that I am.

Irv

]]> By: Wendy http://www.kellydiels.com/2010/07/06/boundaries-vs-disposable-friendships-a-checklist/comment-page-1/#comment-32174 Wendy Tue, 06 Jul 2010 21:55:15 +0000 http://www.kellydiels.com/?p=3023#comment-32174 Number 6 above reminds me of a metaphor my mom once gave me about a relationship... it feels as if you're in a canoe, paddling upstream furiously only to look at the person behind you, who's supposed to be in it with you, and he's not even holding an oar, much less even pretending to paddle. Number 6 above reminds me of a metaphor my mom once gave me about a relationship… it feels as if you’re in a canoe, paddling upstream furiously only to look at the person behind you, who’s supposed to be in it with you, and he’s not even holding an oar, much less even pretending to paddle.

]]> By: Nicki http://www.kellydiels.com/2010/07/06/boundaries-vs-disposable-friendships-a-checklist/comment-page-1/#comment-32170 Nicki Tue, 06 Jul 2010 18:55:31 +0000 http://www.kellydiels.com/?p=3023#comment-32170 Wonderful list. I put words down and out there that were my truth and were accepted by the other party so maybe we are both growing up. Wonderful list. I put words down and out there that were my truth and were accepted by the other party so maybe we are both growing up.

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