The third part of getting unstuck is people.
Sometimes I have to pinch myself because my life is a reverie. My life is like a dream I dreamed when I dreamed of beautiful people.
I’m not sure that I’ve ever before had the kind of love and loyalty that I have in my life right now – and all I can say is thank God and thank Twitter and Thank God For Twitter.
There is a perception that Twitter is frivolous and we’re all talking about our last ham sandwich – and we are, and that’s ambient intimacy – but I have met incredible, inspired, talented, heartfelt and heart-full people on twitter.
People who’ve become my soul’s people, my sisterfriends, my brothers-in-arms, my mothers, my lovers, my compadres.
So I could wax lyrical about Twitter, but that’s not the point.
The point is that right now, and during the past year, every time I was stuck I have been overwhelmed by the visceral, tangible support of people who want to love me up (and do).
Just over a year ago, I had a new place, a newish job, and was newly single. Life was fine. I was going to work and taking care of my kids and running on that hamster wheel every day and it all meant…nothing.
So I started a blog and discovered another blog that rocked my world, and, dare I say it, changed my life.
Yeah, I’m talking about White Hot Truth with Danielle LaPorte. I read it obsessively. It lit me up. I learned things. I stayed motivated. This thing I was doing – writing, blogging, making meaning – seemed…
possible.
And so one fine day last June, I took a day off work and drove to Whistler for a firestarter. And on the winding highway on the way to Whistler I wrestled with my identity, my purpose, my practicality, my comfortable suburban life, and my bills. (As in: how is this cute thing I do – writing – gonna pay ‘em?)
Finally, forty-five minutes into the drive and thirty-six years into my life, I gave up the fight. I gave up the stuck.
I said, fuck it. I’m an artist.
And everything Danielle said in that firestarter was for me and everything in that firestarter affirmed that I must scrape back the bullshit and be faithful to my purpose. That I must be true to who I am.
An artist. A writer.
I got misty-eyed and emotional only moments into the session.
And when I got home, I found an e-mail from Danielle:
you are one talented writer. You’re hot shit and the Real Deal and you should be getting your ass published as widely as possible.
I cried my eyes out.
I needed that.
I needed that to keep going.
I kept going.
____________________
Now, almost a year later, writing is paying the bills. I still get stuck, though. I get stuck because I take too much on. I get stuck because I’m wed to what I should do rather than what I want to do. I get stuck because there’s something I want to offer and I’m scared to offer it. I get stuck because it is easier to start a piece or an essay or a book than it is to finish it.
And people – my mentors, peers, friends – are what un-stick me every time.
I wrote a piece about Dave Doolin last week – about how much his consulting, his website, and his book have helped me improve my blogging.
And then, a couple of days later, I wrote a piece about how I was stuck.
Within moments of posting that piece, I had a text message and then an e-mail from him. Minutes after that, we were on Skype talking to each other and he was totally in it to win it with me.
Dave and I had been making noises about writing a piece together but hadn’t actually done it…and that night Dave told me we were going to write that piece together, now.
So we did. We texted on Skype and wrote a post together using a shared Google doc. We wrote the piece from start to finish in forty-five minutes.
This was huge to me.
It was huge for three reasons.
First.
Something wasn’t quite right in my life – I was stuck – and here was my friend instantly, 100% in it with me, helping me muddle my way through it.
That kind of loyalty means everything. And this is why I love Twitter (and Dave) with an unholy passion: because I first talked to Dave on Twitter. Now he’s my friend and he’s got me when I’m stuck. Wow.
Second.
I’m not a team player (don’t tell anyone). I am a writer. I like to do things by myself. Also, I’m pretty book-smart, which means I’m still scarred from years of group-work in high school where well-meaning teachers matched me up with kids who saw me and saw an easy A. So my experience with group work (slow, and all on me) is why I don’t much care for collaborating.
Recently I’ve had people – really lovely, talented, compelling people, people I really do want to work with – approach me to collaborate on projects and I’ve turned them down simply because I thought I don’t like collaborating.
But writing this piece with Dave etched a new collaborative groove in my head. Usually it takes me two to three hours to write a piece; when we wrote together, it took forty-five minutes. It was fast and it was satisfying.
It was fast because as I was writing something, he was finishing another sentence, or editing a paragraph I had just written; or as he was writing something, I was inserting digressions into the middle of his paragraph or pulling the threads through the piece. The back-and-forth and the pace and the creation was rewarding.
So that was a clicky lightbulb moment: collaborating can feed the creative process instead of stalling it.
Third.
I was stuck last week because I had a number of pieces started and zero pieces finished. I was frustrated. I wasn’t crossing anything off my list. And the less I finished, the less I finished. Over and over. Not finishing was feeding and breeding more not finishing.
And Dave instinctively knew that what I needed to get moving, to get unstuck, was to finish something. Anything. Now.
And so we started – and finished – that piece, together.
And I was lightened. The whole week hadn’t been a waste, after all.
Good-bye, stuck. Thank you, Dave.
————————–
So that’s how Danielle LaPorte helped me get going, and keep going when I first started out, and how Dave Doolin helped me get going, and keep going, last week.
Your people will get you unstuck if you let them.
————————–
Which brings me to my Big Stuck.
For a while, I’ve had the feeling that what people want from me (and what I want to give them) is not Yet Another Boring E-book.
I’ve felt that what we need to do, together, is connect.
I’ve felt like what I have to offer is writing, and love. (And writing is just a channel through which love flows.)
I’ve wanted to offer classes and consultations about how to develop your unique writing voice, and how not to be a boring writer.
(Please, let’s not be boring bloggers. There’s so much competition for that. There’s none for being you.)
But…I Am A Copywriter. I should be doing that – not hanging out on Twitter all day and talking on Skype and answering questions by e-mail.
But that stuff – the answering questions, the helping, the loving – is what I love to do.
Recently I was telling my friend (insert mental air quotes around that, please) F that my best qualities are also my worst qualities. My best quality is that I’m a Lover which means I take care of the people around me. My worst quality is that I’m a Lover, which means I make other people’s missions my own, and sometimes more important than my own.
F said, maybe helping other people with their missions IS your mission.
Maybe he’s right. I thought the same thing just a week ago when I read Danielle LaPorte’s The FireStarter Sessions vook (video-book).
In The FireStarter Sessions, Danielle insists that you MUST do what you love. You must lead with your strengths. You must choose the things that light you up so that you can light the way for yourself, and for others.
I write and I love and even my writing is loving. The things that get me really excited are helping other people. When someone e-mails me and they have a question, or they need help, a close review, or advice, I’m all in. I’ll drop the things I should be doing to do that.
I can look at someone else’s writing and instantly, instinctively know if it needs sugar or salt or more heat. I know how to season it and cook it. I know which ingredients are missing, how to amp up the emotional contrast and tension, and what technical tricks – rhetoric, typography, poetic devices – will work.
I understand how to train your writing voice to sing. I love editing your pieces. I love talking to you about your writing and encouraging you to take risks – and I’ve done that quietly, informally, and freely for several writers and bloggers.
So that’s what I want to do, and what I’m going to do – and what the people around me have encouraged me to get unstuck enough to do.
So let’s do that.
Do you want to write more persuasive, emotional, meaningful pieces?
I’ll download to you everything I know about writing and teach you to do that.
Do you want to unlock your writing voice?
I’ve got the keys.
Do you want to know how to build (and make money from) a blog, all while juggling a job, family, and life?
I can show you how I re-framed every single obstacle in my life – full-time job, single mom, two kids under five, very little child-care or support, no money, no time – into an opportunity and out of those opportunities created a rapidly growing blog, new business and new life for myself.
Do you want to guest post for A-list blogs?
I can tell you how I did it so you can do it, too.
Do you want to blog better? Do you want to know what you’re doing right (and maybe what you’re doing wrong)?
Dave Doolin and I will review your blog – the art and the science of it – consult with you, construct a report for you, and tell you how to do it better.
And do you want it in a face-to-face class or do you want it on the phone?
Because baby, I can do it both ways.
—————–
How Not To Be a Boring Writer: The Workshop
Vancouver, Saturday July 17th, 25 spaces available, $50 per person
E-mail to reserve your space (or to organize additional dates! Hell yes, I’ll travel!)
Red Shoe Blogger
I review three of your pieces and then we work together on the phone to amp up your unique writing voice.
E-mail to book a session ($100)
League of Extraordinary Bloggers
The Art and the Science of Blogging. Blog Review, Report, and Personal Consultations with Dave Doolin and Kelly Diels.
E-mail to book your blog review ($150)
YES!!!
I knew you’d find the thing that made your heart sing. You delightful creature, go rock it the fuck out!
[Reply]
kellydiels
replied:
on May 20th, 2010 at 1:22 am
@Catherine Caine, and what a first comment. love it. appreciate it. thank you. mwah.
[Reply]
Catherine Caine
replied:
on May 20th, 2010 at 2:41 am
@kellydiels, a thousand thousand MWAHs in return.
[Reply]
That was a fun little writing project. Looking forward to getting League kicked off.
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 20th, 2010 at 6:46 am
@Dave Doolin, me too! I may even finish writing the description of what it is. That would be good, yes?
[Reply]
This looks real interesting. I don’t have the cash right now, but when I do, I think I’ll give you a little of it!
[Reply]
But of course darling – this is your stuff! I knew it the first moment we connected on Twitter. So happy that its all come together for you. This reminds me of Jann Arden singing ‘just be yourself, just be yourself’ in Good Mother. Own your loving, caring self!
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 20th, 2010 at 6:47 am
@Jen Saunders, thanks, Jen. Everything gets simple when I just let it be simple.
[Reply]
Awesome prices on your new enterprise here Kelly. I hate that I am on such a tight budget or I’d be all over those
Best of luck to you and Dave with this new project.
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 20th, 2010 at 6:49 am
@Gurl, thank you so much, Jennifer. Don’t worry, we’ll still be here when $ start raining down on you. xo
[Reply]
Gurl
replied:
on May 20th, 2010 at 7:32 am
@Kelly Diels, *hugs* If the money starts raining down I might just end up having the proverbial heart attack LOL I am sure I will be coming to you once it does come in though..seems my site is lacking something beyond design (which I have covered, just holding it back until I can do an awesome relaunch
).
[Reply]
Wow! Kelly, I could not be happier for you! This is fabulous and you are going to rock it. \m/ I have no doubt whatsoever.
So now I just have to find a way to afford this. Anyone want to buy a picture?
Hugs and butterflies,
~T~
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 20th, 2010 at 6:49 am
@PicsieChick, now I’m sending hugs and butterflies YOUR way. xoxo
[Reply]
Wow, Kelly. That was an amazing post.
This whole series has reached me in ways blog posts usually don’t, but this one had a special magic (or, more likely, love).
Right here, you described every aspect of my life. And you not only filled me with a fury to fix the things holding me back, but you reminded me how much I’m in love with everything else.
You’re a treasure.
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 20th, 2010 at 6:51 am
@Aaron Pogue, Aaron! Aaron! Aaron! So sweet. What a way to start the morning. Thank you so much.
None of us does it alone, even when it feels like we are.
Luckily, it is feeling less and less like that, for me, these days.
[Reply]
I can’t express how much I wish I lived in Vancouver so I could come to your workshop!!!!!
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 20th, 2010 at 7:42 am
@Lindsey, New York,
Saturday September 18th. I’m organizing the logistics today. Help?
mwah.
[Reply]
tara - scoutie girl
replied:
on May 20th, 2010 at 9:12 am
@Kelly Diels, I’m going to be all over the New York workshop!
[Reply]
Kelly
replied:
on June 1st, 2010 at 8:59 am
@tara – scoutie girl, Someone tell me where? Need an excuse to finally visit NYC and that seems like a perfect time of year.
[Reply]
Oops inadvertently hit submit.
I think it is clear when someone is pursuing their passion and following their heart: somehow something gleams from them (in this case on the page) … it’s really obvious to me that this is your calling. I feel privileged to be able to watch you doing it.
[Reply]
This was awesome Kelly. There is much to be learned from seeing others huge bonfire of passion over something. Every time I read your blog I come away with a flame that feeds my fire.
Today, I feel like one of those slot car racers who is going slow because the contacts are dirty. A post like this one reminds me how to clean them off and get back to going fast.
Thanks for the great message today. I will be looking into the League, Dave has helped me immeasurably over the past 4 months.
Great Work!
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 20th, 2010 at 8:56 am
@Justin Matthews, I’m delighted that this is how my blog affects you – and thank you for telling me.
Go ahead, talk to us about the League…we want you.
I’ll post more about it today/tomorrow.
[Reply]
Wonderful development.
I wanted to tell you ‘You should charge more.’ That would be what we lawyers call a Statement Against Interest – and therefore (probably) reliable. But I think I’d be pilloried by the faithful (and perhaps slightly broke) mob. I wanted to tell you ‘You should do this on Skype’ so anyone on the whole World Wide Webbiness could see the goddess. But followers don’t tell goddesses what to do.
So I’ll just say – Fantastic. The froth abates and reveals Venus stepping forth, Zeus’s head splits open to release Athena fully grown, bells peal and butterflies rejoice. Hallelujah!
[Reply]
Kelly, this is amazing!! Your prices are even affordable for MY birthday money!! The excitement and “un-stuckness” just gleams from this post. I am SO thrilled for you!
[Reply]
heels clicking.
xoxo
[Reply]
I love, love, love this.
How much to have you come to my house and kick my ass?
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 20th, 2010 at 6:10 pm
@Jillian, how far do I have to drive?
Ass-kickings are usually free, mostly because I’m terrible at them.
However, if you want to hold hands and cuddle and talk about poetry and Bull Durham, then I’m totally your girl.
That was a preview of the workshop, by the way.
[Reply]
The scent of oranges wafts. Let them come. Let them worship at your feet. Let them write in ways before unimagined. They will be transformed. You will make money (while being worshiped for the goddess you are). It’s all good. Congrats, my friend. SO fabulous!!!
There’s no place like home (unless it’s being home – and being worshiped).
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 20th, 2010 at 6:11 pm
@Ronna, I’m unbelievably excited about the workshop. I’m on fire for it. I can’t wait.
[Reply]
Yes
the wait is over, hallelujah
you know you have to save me a space in Vancouver, right?
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 20th, 2010 at 6:06 pm
@Lianne, consider it saved. I’m itching to see you.
[Reply]
Ok, let’s get you to Monterey. I won’t be back in Vancouver until September/October. What’s August look like for you? I’ll handle logistics. I’m being very forward. Ha!
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 20th, 2010 at 6:07 pm
@Randi Buckley, I love it! Be forward! I’ll be there. August is almost entirely wide open and I *might* have promised some little people a trip to Cali. This was meant to be.
[Reply]
I love how you express your thoughts through writing. I like this title, “How to get unstuck…”
Thank you for sharing your self, your heart and your insights. What I’ve read from you over the months has helped me in my transition year. I am not a writer. I am a healer, nurturer, woman, mother, friend, and a lover. I am newly single and pursuing a career as a massage therapist. I love gleaning insight from you that I apply to my life. Both, you and Ronna Detrick, are to me a bit what Danielle has been for you. A source of inspiration, sharing uplifting and encouraging words through the web. You both are two of my favorite people to follow on Twitter. Best wishes for your continued success. ~ Renee (micheamustro)
[Reply]
Kelly,
Thank you! Tonight you are to me what Danielle LaPorte was to you when you were first following her blog — an inspiration greater than words can express. Not only does your journey inspire me, but your gifts and passions are very similar to mine, which helps me begin to see the shape of what I am meant to do.
Thank you ever so much for being your Divine Spark in the world and inspiring me to shine mine brighter.
[Reply]
that’s one hell of a way to get unstuck. yes, yes, yes! glad you embraced the warning sign, detoured and emerged on the other side stronger than ever. and, what a fantastic service you’re offering up for others. kill it, girl!
[Reply]
Lovely, and well done.
Please consider adding an option for buying a Gift Certificate for either of your sessions as a way we can support the writers in out lives… (and a well-placed guest post like this on sites for off-line writers/novelists/freelancers/dramatists/editors, etc. couldn’t hoit~!)
SO nice to see you discover that, when it comes to where your work meets your passion, ‘there’s no place like home.’
~GirlPie
[Reply]