I write emotional algebra – Anais Nin
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Last weekend (and the weekend before), F and K had a super sweet Saturday night and as a result K is crushing on F and F seems to be feeling the same way.
F spends x numbers of minutes each day calling and texting and charming K, for a total of y hours this week. A significant investment, thinks K. “Significant” is not defined.
K has two children, S and L, and every other weekend they spend the weekend with their father, C, and so every other weekend is pretty much when K is available to see F.
F works very long days, wrapping up at 8 or 9 at night, and has Sundays and Mondays off. On Friday night, F calls K when he’s off work. They talk for hours but F does not invite K over. K is disappointed.
On Saturday night, K drives to Bellingham for a goddess summit dinner and hopes – even expects - to meet up with F afterwards. F calls K when he finishes work. F is heading out for drinks with coworkers. K is not invited. K is disappointed (again) but expects that F will call Sunday morning – because F calls most every day – and maybe they’ll spend Sunday together.
F calls on Sunday on his way to church and mentions that he’ll be meeting up with friends after church.
K thinks WTF? Does this F-er not want to spend time with me or WHAT?! But K sucks that up because that’s not a very nice question or approach.
Solve: If F is calling and being sweet and open and apparently interested, why isn’t he inviting K out this weekend?
Whilst on the phone with F, K works through the formula and concludes, with a little help from Greg Behrendt, that F is not interested. If he’s not asking you out, he’s not interested.
F and K spend 30 minutes chatting while F is on the train. F asks K if she’s having a nice weekend with the girls. K is confused.
K: The girls are at C’s house this weekend.
F: What? I thought, since we saw each other last Saturday – and you didn’t have the girls that night – that this weekend you had the girls.
K: No, last Saturday night was an anomaly. It was my weekend with the girls but C wanted to take the girls to a party so it just made sense for them to sleep at his house on Saturday.
Solve: If K has the girls every other weekend, and is only free to see F when she doesn’t have the girls, and she saw F last Saturday night, when is she next available to see F?
Earlier in the week, F worked through the formula and concluded that K had the girls this weekend.
Solution: Always do emotional algebra long-form. Out loud. Together.
Otherwise K will conclude that F is Just Not That Into Her and write him off and stop answering his calls while F assumes K is busy and keeps himself busy.
And nobody gets any lovin’ this weekend. Or next.
Bonus Q: why aren’t F and K going to get f-k’d next weekend?
You know I hate math! When I see F and K together…well…
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 16th, 2010 at 3:42 pm
@Nathan Hangen – Digital Emperor, my fave word starts with f and ends in k. of course.
[Reply]
I LOVE IT. So hilarious and brilliant. And sadly, T never asks J to do anything and he is always going out with other friends. So J thinks that she should be able to f**k T’s bestfriend B. B/c screw T. Now, J is waiting for T to text her (which he usually does constantly but not so far today) so that she can ignore the hell out of it. Equals? Bastard.
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 16th, 2010 at 4:00 pm
@Julie Roads, we speak the same language.
This –
“Now, J is waiting for T to text her…so that she can ignore the hell out of it”
- this I get. And do. For five minutes until I can’t stand it any more and HAVE to reply.
-
[Reply]
What the F K.
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 16th, 2010 at 3:41 pm
@Jillian, you’re so clever. xo
[Reply]
The bonus question is an easy answer. The not so bonus question – is K sure that F knows which weekend is the no kids weekend?
Great writing and men are jack asses.
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 16th, 2010 at 3:44 pm
@Nicki, actually, this might be The Woman’s fault as she ASSUMED that F knew which weekend was which and then silently sulked and felt rejected instead of speaking up.
Math is hard.
[Reply]
Gurl
replied:
on May 16th, 2010 at 4:01 pm
@Kelly Diels, Actually, its totally her fault for not asking what was up when he didn’t act as if he wanted to see her on her no kids weekend…especially since he was other wise acting as he normally did towards her. Women like K make me very sad and angry… I hope that we breed out this mentality soon, we’ve come to far to keep acting like wall flowers.
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 16th, 2010 at 4:06 pm
@Gurl, I know. I’m such a fucking disaster at the beginning.
[Reply]
Gurl
replied:
on May 16th, 2010 at 9:05 pm
@Kelly Diels, Okay..I feel a bit like a heel.. but I almost knew K=you. However, I must say you are brave to share this with us…so many are still there and need to read something like this. At least it is a lesson learned, plus a lesson shared is a bonus for your readers.
Hope I didn’t offend you Kelly, as it wasn’t my intention. I do admire how open and honest you are on here, and enjoy your posts.
[Reply]
Ah, you kids with your algebra problems. You haven’t seen anything, just wait until you get into calculus.
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 16th, 2010 at 3:45 pm
@Siddhartha, writers don’t do calculus.
Or algebra, apparently
[Reply]
Jesse
replied:
on May 18th, 2010 at 12:44 pm
@Kelly Diels, I actually did well in algebra and calculus, but sucked in chemistry. I know when there is chemistry, but I haven’t figured out how to apply math principles after the chemical reaction.
[Reply]
I love the math. But how do you solve for these variables?
Is there a single defined solution?
Is there an answer key in the back of the book?
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 16th, 2010 at 3:56 pm
@ami | 40daystochange, OMG there’s a book??? I need that book.
[Reply]
Jesse
replied:
on May 18th, 2010 at 12:45 pm
@Kelly Diels, ami,
it scares me to think that the “single defined solution” may be to remain single.
*sniff*
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 18th, 2010 at 12:47 pm
@Jesse, I think it is to love, no matter what the variables.
[Reply]
I made a vow a few years ago.
I never do math in public.
….and now I remember why!
I love how you write through your (math) problems with humour, wit and subtlety.
So, if we introduce a variable, Y
oh, wait, nevermind. You did that last weekend
and look how well that turned out.
Sending hugs and butterflies full of good communication vibes.
~T~
[Reply]
I agree, this is a calculus problem, not an algebra problem.
You were differentiating when you should have been integrating.
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 16th, 2010 at 6:29 pm
@Dave Doolin, I skipped most of my math classes. Astronomy worked so much better for me. As a result, I spend too much time star-gazing and not enough time…integrating.
[Reply]
For me, in sales when beating around the bush is netting no result its time to try the direct approach. Sometimes a ‘hail marry’ play right up the center IS exactly what the situation calls for. But i’ll admit… wearing pink tinted glasses CAN give you a different view of the playing field.
The Good NEWS: You laugh and talk about how funny it was that you got your wires crossed and NOW you can use the direct approach with impunity ‘cuz ‘remember that time when…’ It’s all drivers seat now baby! Unless F is reading now…
Hi F. Please disregard previous comments.
-J
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 17th, 2010 at 6:11 pm
@John C Davies, I hope he’s reading now. Hi F.
[Reply]
My head hurts with way too many variables. maybe we should calculate the area of the sheets that will be covered when F and K are resolved. I think I can do that.
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You’re f-king brilliant.
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Despite loving so many, this may be my favorite post ever. The goddess herself (the Bloggess) would approve.
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