I survived childhood sexual abuse. I survived a soul-shattering divorce and depressions so cavernous that my family feared I’d never climb out. I have been abandoned by a man while travelling in a foreign country. I have grown entire human beings using only my body. Twice. I have had squalling children carved out of my naked flesh. Twice. I have fed babies using only my breasts. I have worn a bikini in public (repeatedly but not recently). I have loved. I have loved a man so physically beautiful that I feared leaving my girlfriends alone with him – and that fear was not irrational. I learned to drive on a standard. I have spoken – well – in front of crowds. I have counselled women who were raped. I have been held down when I didn’t want to be. I have been pregnant when I didn’t want to be (she’s beautiful). I have written myself out of broke and into business. I have ridden a horse that had never been ridden before. I have been hit square in the chest by an errant pitch and got back up and knocked the mothafucka out of the park.
So why am I so fucking stuck right now?
—————————————-
This question triggered a series of pieces in which I try to find the answer to ’stuck’ – which is where I’ve been, business-wise, for the last several weeks. If you want to follow the series – and hopefully, get unstuck with me – here’s where to start:
How to Get Unstuck, Part 1: There Is No Stuck (wherein I decide nothing is wrong with me and that creativity requires rest. Holy newsflash.) How to Get Unstuck, Part 2: Trust Yourself, and The World. You Have Everything You Need. (wherein I realize that I have faith in myself and in faith, itself)
Because no matter how much we’ve survived, no matter how much awesome we’ve fought for in this life, we’re still humans and humans. get. stuck.
And humans like you? They get unstuck. Eventually and always.
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 8th, 2010 at 8:23 am
@Christine (Blisschick) Reed, you’ve hit on just the right reminder: temporary. Part of the process. Temporary. Mercifully, temporary. I might go tattoo “TEMPORARY” on my forehead right now.
mwah.
[Reply]
I just wrote a blog post on this. Srini might take it.
Basically, the idea is to turn a days work into a week of effort… while doing something else you’re not supposed to be doing.
For example, I used this technique to write a spiffy little MS thesis, while mastering my one and only video game.
Turning 20 minutes work into three days is a talent you need to cultivate very carefully. Make sure you’re pouring your avoidance into something very cool instead. These days I write WordPress plugins and stuff like that.
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 6th, 2010 at 6:51 pm
@Dave Doolin, I’m EXACTLY there.
Amanda and I have talked about this, too. Maybe I need to work in 7 day spurts and then take 4 days off instead of working all the time. Because what I’m doing right now is the OPPOSITE of productive.
[Reply]
Megan
replied:
on May 7th, 2010 at 8:36 am
@Kelly Diels, Uh YES! Working all the time is bad, bad, bad. Besides, your creative juices need time to refresh. I’ve often wondered when the heck you do fun things…
Maybe you are stuck because something in you wants to do some fun things!
Yours,
Megan
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 8th, 2010 at 8:24 am
@Megan, I’m ok with “all the time” and I think it is part of the startup process. But I definitely need to do more fun things.
I did that yesterday. Sort of. I left the house. That was BIG. I was social. I took my daughter out for lunch.
It might not sound like much, but it felt like a vacation. mmmmm, vacation.
[Reply]
Megan
replied:
on May 8th, 2010 at 9:06 am
@Kelly Diels, I think taking your daughter out for lunch is fabulous – not small at all. Those little impromptu things, in my experience, can be the most refreshing. Nothing better than accidentally ending up in a lovely garden of having tea with a friend. Plus, I bet your daughter thought it was the best thing ever!
I like mini vacations… mine normally involve books
Yours,
Megan
[Reply]
Dave Doolin
replied:
on May 7th, 2010 at 4:19 pm
@Kelly Diels, If you have the rent, utilities and groceries covered, that’s probably a pretty good idea. If not, well, get back to work!
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 8th, 2010 at 8:25 am
@Dave Doolin, you’re such a tyrant. I like it.
[Reply]
Stuck is a feeling of which is necessary at times. (Like peeks and valleys)
Lately I’ve been kicking myself in the balls on why am I so damn scared to push my online business to a level where I’m actually making cash flow. (Yeah why aren’t I selling something that I know is of value to people?)
I’ve been “unconfident.” (Ok call that stuck) Afraid of the back lash, ridicule yada yada yada.
So my point? I emailed my list and what was their biggest challenge? Confidence! Shit, I’m an expert on that aren’t it? I can practice some empathy on that one right?
My stuck has been my gift. Now it’s time to give it to someone.
Oh, and I’m not quite sure why you’re stuck, but there is probably a gift in there somewhere waiting to be opened
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 6th, 2010 at 6:53 pm
@Tony Teegarden, you’re right. I walked away from the computer and LIGHTNING FLASH: I don’t want to do the thing I’m trying to make myself do.
The thing I want to do? I’m not sure people need, or will buy.
But obviously I better make a decision because the corner of Indecision and Languishing is not where I want to set up shop.
[Reply]
Karen Sharp
replied:
on May 6th, 2010 at 8:50 pm
@Kelly Diels, The thing you want to do? I’m sure people will need it, and will buy it, without knowing anything about what it is… because I think that stuckness is a redhot flag of value and heart and important necessary goodness that the Universe needs. Otherwise it wouldn’t be so important that it’d stuck you up so good.
So hellyeah, kick butt on your deepest desire (after long loving slow time with yourself taking a break).
And I gotta say, Kelly. Your honesty, your passion, your unflinchingness, your grit, your cherishingly tender love, are all really inspiring. Love you.
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 8th, 2010 at 8:28 am
@Karen Sharp, thank you so much, Karen.
I was trying to force myself to create e-books on blogging because that’s what is Supposed To Happen. But I don’t want to. What I want to do is talk to people, directly, with lots of love and shinyhappymoments, about how to improve their blogs/blogging.
So that’s what I’ll do. Unstuck!
[Reply]
Abby Kerr
replied:
on May 7th, 2010 at 9:41 am
Kelly —
You don’t know me yet, but I’ve been reading {and loving} your stuff for a couple of months now, and I just want to say that I agree with Karen. Yes, woman, I betcha people will need–and buy–the Thing You Want To Do. You are speaking to your people in a way that no one else does. Trust that the world and your right people are waiting for you to create That Thing. And whenever you feel so moved to do it, that’ll be the right time.
–Abby
[Reply]
Abby Kerr
replied:
on May 7th, 2010 at 9:43 am
Sorry — I mistyped my own Facebook page URL. This one has it correct.
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 8th, 2010 at 8:28 am
@Abby Kerr, Trust is big. Huge. Thank you so much, Abby.
[Reply]
Stuck? Bah. It’s just the stuck before the fantastic storm. Cheering for you to push through it.
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 8th, 2010 at 8:31 am
@Sarah Bray, and all the cheering sure does a heart good. mwah.
[Reply]
“Being stuck” = yellow light/signal: time to play hooky.
Permission to self-pamper and color outside the lines (not that you need permission). Or maybe, you being you, permission to be orthodox and boring for a little while, test it out, see if you like it.
You’ll be back to the awesome in no time!
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 6th, 2010 at 7:02 pm
@ami | 40daystochange, there’s a consistent theme here…give myself a break. Recharge. hmmmm. Does not sound too bad, at ALL.
[Reply]
Kelly
replied:
on May 7th, 2010 at 5:16 am
@ami | 40daystochange, Totally agree with Ami! And anyone else who said something akin to “go lie down and watch Oprah for chrissakes!”.
I watch my cats sleep in the sunshine and I think “why in the hell do we think we are the most evolved creatures on the planet when we can’t even take a nap without crucifying ourselves?”
You’re pumping a lot of content out, much of which I’m sure we haven’t even seen, sister-friend. Relax. We’ll still be here when you’ve re-grouped!
[Reply]
John C Davies
replied:
on May 7th, 2010 at 5:57 am
@Kelly, LOVE This Thought—————–> “why in the hell do we think we are the most evolved creatures on the planet when we can’t even take a nap without crucifying ourselves?” <—————- I cannot stop smiling. I read that three times and I can not believe my thought stream has never flowed THAT direction. On that note: I'm going back to bed and sleep in for another hour. THAT'S evolutions fault. I'll cite it when my boss asks me where I was this morning.
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 8th, 2010 at 8:32 am
@Kelly, in my next life, I’d like to be a cat. At your house. It looks like a great gig. xo.
[Reply]
Well, if you saw my tweets a few days ago in which I rant about “stuck” being a linear concept, you might know that I’m not a big fan of the word/idea stuck. I think people mistake lack of activity for stuck.
One of my mentors, Gordon Neufeld, just had a conference this weekend called “Rest, Play, Grow”. He talked about the difference between sleep and rest and how our culture has lost the structures that once provided rest and the wisdom that children needed rest. We tend to keep children busy, involved and stimulated instead of allowing space for rest. Rest is the root of growth.
Now he’s a developmental psychologist talking about children, but in my 5 years of studying his approach, I’ve found almost everything he says applies to adults as well.
So, is it possible for you to relax into the stuck and let it become rest. To quote Lao-tzu, “All action begins in rest.”
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 6th, 2010 at 6:47 pm
@Lianne, as always, you’re fucking brilliant.
[Reply]
Kelly
replied:
on May 7th, 2010 at 5:17 am
@Lianne, OH! This is good too. “Lack of activity mistaken for stuck!” I’m sending that around and making sure I’m following Lianne on Twitter!
[Reply]
John C Davies
replied:
on May 7th, 2010 at 6:06 am
@Lianne, See last comment re: I’m going back to bed. @KellyDiels Have I mentioned lately that your friends love you? Yeah they also happen to be full rite up of “fucking brilliant”. Wanna get unstuck? Go outside and play with your friends. Brilliance can be catchy. And @lianne —–> like @Kelly; As soon as I find you i’m following too.
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 8th, 2010 at 8:49 am
@John C Davies, Lianne is @Lianne_R on twitter and she’s all kinds of brilliant, all the time.
[Reply]
Megan
replied:
on May 7th, 2010 at 8:39 am
@Lianne, “Rest is the root of growth.” I read that and immediately thought: Isn’t that what winter is?
Yours,
Megan
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 8th, 2010 at 8:32 am
@Megan, YES!!!
[Reply]
I so admire and appreciate your tender, brave, strong honesty.
Thank you for being you dearheart… I see you with wings AND a superhero cape.
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 6th, 2010 at 7:01 pm
@Goddess Leonie, well, if that comes from a woman who prefaces her name with “Goddess” – my people, my people! – then it MUST be true. xo
[Reply]
Not to be trite, but these things just happen. But it won’t be permanent, not with your record of getting back up, dusting yourself off, and getting back in the game.
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 6th, 2010 at 7:01 pm
@Mark Dykeman, “not permanent” is really, really important.
[Reply]
Stuck is temporary as is everything in life. Wait it out or as the wonderful DL (Danielle LaPorte) said (and I’m summarizing), if your feeling low then just feel it all the way. The same for when you feel good.
Now feel yourself up!
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 6th, 2010 at 6:48 pm
@ocbenji, mmmmmmm.
I don’t feel low. I feel immobile, and I think I just figured out why.
I’m trying to make myself do something I don’t *really* want to do. And I’m balking. a-ha moment.
[Reply]
Catherine Caine
replied:
on May 6th, 2010 at 8:56 pm
@Kelly Diels, do you HAVE to do it, lovey? Or can you refuse, delay, hire someone else, or make it less suckful in some way?
[Reply]
Eleanor Edwards
replied:
on May 7th, 2010 at 3:06 am
@Catherine Caine, You took the very words out of my mouth Catherine. Seconding this question Kelly. And if it really must be done, can you turn it into a game? When I clean the shower, I pretend I’m Cinderella
[Reply]
ami | 40daystochange
replied:
on May 7th, 2010 at 6:20 am
@Eleanor Edwards, hehe – if Tim Ferriss (4 Hour Work Week) can hire a Virtual Assistant to write his wife an apology note, can Kelly Diels hire a VA to be stuck? Or to do the icky, balk-inducing task?
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 8th, 2010 at 12:04 pm
@ami | 40daystochange, I did that, just this week! On the road to unstuck…
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 8th, 2010 at 8:33 am
@ocbenji, I keep reading “temporary” and let me tell, that is GOOD NEWS!
[Reply]
ocbenji
replied:
on May 9th, 2010 at 9:32 am
@Kelly Diels,
Glad to see you outsourced your stuckness.
[Reply]
And sometimes we get tired of surviving. It’s hard work.
[Reply]
Dave Doolin
replied:
on May 8th, 2010 at 11:42 am
@Zoey @ Good Goog, if you’re alive, you’re surviving.
Screw that.
I wanna THRIVE!
[Reply]
You get stuck so that you can tap into that amazing strength deep in your soul. You then tape it up– get back in the game… and then you knock the mothafucka back out of the park.
Much love to you my sister….
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 8th, 2010 at 8:34 am
@Desiree Adaway, oh yeah. taping up. much love.
[Reply]
I’ve been stuck for almost a week. It is frustrating, like running on a treadmill, getting tired, but moving nowhere.
At least this crap is always temporary.
[Reply]
Dave Doolin
replied:
on May 7th, 2010 at 4:22 pm
@Sean, haha and you have no excuse, cause you have my cell number!
You just call me up and I’ll get you unstuck.
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 8th, 2010 at 8:36 am
@Dave Doolin, that sounds a bit threatening – but you do have magic powers in this area.
[Reply]
Dave Doolin
replied:
on May 8th, 2010 at 2:49 pm
@Kelly Diels, Shazam!
Comment 99…
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 8th, 2010 at 8:35 am
@Sean, racing the red queen. hamster wheel. Do you think whiskey helps? I’m going to give “going out” a good try this weekend and see what happens. Will report back. xo
[Reply]
Honey, you amaze me. In ways that should no longer surprise me, and yet, there you go and do it again.
Yes, rest. It is truly amazing. But amazingly hard to do when we’re in our own space, with all the must-do’s and should-do’s and said-I’d-do’s around us.
My prescription: Go on an outing. I mean, a nice, 4 hours away and stay for the weekend outing. I promise I will give you all the space you need in a totally different venue. And I won’t even ask you for your help with my stuff, because you really need a break, *and* you’ve helped so much already!
And if that can’t work, at least dream about butterflies and see where they lead you.
Hugs and butterflies,
~T~
ps yes, that was an invitation to my home that suffers from CHAOS. I am willing to bare my soul *and* my dust-bunnies to you. I hope you like dogs and cats.
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 8th, 2010 at 8:36 am
@PicsieChick, I like your invitation-masquerading-as-prescription. Nicely done. Don’t be surprised if I take you up on it. mwah.
[Reply]
PicsieChick
replied:
on May 8th, 2010 at 3:51 pm
@Kelly Diels, Isn’t every invitation a prescription?
It won’t be surprise, so much as delight!
Mwah!
and glad to see there are so many piling the love onto you.
Hugs and butterflies,
~T~
[Reply]
I freely admit that this is far easier said, than done, but… Imagine that it is not you who is stuck. Imagine that one of your girlfriends came to you with this. What advice would you give her?
BTW, in my eyes, the fact that you wrote this incredibly inspiring (yeah, I think it’s inspiring) article, says to me that you’re not really stuck. Not completely, at any rate. Perhaps just a tad frustrated.
I, too, echo the general sentiment here… kick back for a while, give yourself a bit of time and space to regroup if you need it. We’ll all still be here when you get back.
Kind regards,
Steve
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 8th, 2010 at 8:39 am
@Steve Youngs, I’m not stuck creatively. Writing always rescues me. I *was* (past tense, note the past tense, yay!) frustrated that I was not doing some things I OUGHT to be doing in my business (and blog).
The advice: get rid of the ought. What direction do I WANT to go in? What do I *need* to do to service my creative goals? Where is the easy win that will fuel the harder treks?
And voila! My enthusiasm returned.
[Reply]
are you stuck because you need a resting place?
(you sound like one hell of a woman to me)
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 8th, 2010 at 8:41 am
@JANE, thank you so much. I’m not tired so much as frustrated with myself – which gets me into a cul de sac of not-getting-much-done.
The antidote? Getting something done. Small victories, always.
[Reply]
You’re just building up your strength for something EVEN MORE AWESOME that you’re going to accomplish in the very near-future.
Can’t wait to see what it is!
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 8th, 2010 at 12:04 pm
@Colin Wright, OKAY! Fire lit! Charge!
[Reply]
if today isn’t working then end it, see if tomorrow is working for you. today is only one day, so end it if it’s over.
As for what to do, what you always do, or the complete opposite. I know you won’t bother with half way
[Reply]
I wish I could rest when I’m stuck. I need something more physical… more tangible… more direct.
I think of a blender that used to work, but decided to quit just when I need that perfectly blended margarita. I unplug the blender, slam it on the counter three times, plug it in, and it works.
Or the rug in the kitchen with the cracker crumbs, the dirt from the yard, the cat hair, the sawdust from the wood pile. It needs a good shaking.
Be the blender. Be the kitchen rug.
Go outside and blow the stink off.
It isn’t eloquent or sexy, but it works.
[Reply]
John C Davies
replied:
on May 7th, 2010 at 6:16 am
@Jesse, In my experience getting “slammed” three times…ESPECIALLY in the kitchen, can really get the juices flowing. Change of venue? Works in many, many different circumstances. Yes… I went there. What?!! Is really that far of a stretch?
[Reply]
Jesse
replied:
on May 7th, 2010 at 8:12 pm
@John C Davies,
definitely my first choice, when it can be a choice.
see my post on “Do It”
now I have to explain to my kids why I’m laughing
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 8th, 2010 at 8:42 am
@Jesse, you two speak my language. Fluently.
[Reply]
Sounds to me like you already worked out the answer to your own question. Of course!
But I still want to give you a shout out because I love this post and I think listing the f**king amazing things we’ve already done is sometimes a powerful tonic.
I’m with Lianne on the whole idea of stuck – it suggests something linear and static, when really nothing is static. We are always changing. What feels like stuck is maybe just another kind of change.
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 8th, 2010 at 12:05 pm
@Marianne, the direction that you and Lianne are taking this is really, really interesting. It has hooks…I’m thinking about that.
What it is, is forcing myself to do something I don’t want to do. I’m going to do what Dave advises (in another context) and ’succeed in another direction’. Oh yeah.
[Reply]
Because, for a minute, you forgot who you are or tried to be somebody else and took a wrong turn. That happens all the time so don’t worry. just take a deep breath and a fresh look, and you’ll be back on your path in no time. Just don’t let fear or panic get you.
[Reply]
Because everybody gets stuck sometimes, and it will pass. Because you are likely not as stuck as you feel. Because maybe, as Lianne says, this is a signal from your heart and head to sit still and breathe for a bit.
I don’t know. But I do know you’ll be moving soon. And you’re not alone.
xo
[Reply]
Kelly,
I’m not sure what you feel you’re stuck on, but from my perspective you’re one fantastic writer. You totally get it and if this what being stuck feels like, I think more of us wish we were in your condition.
Keep doing what you’re doing. It’s great!
Ron
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 8th, 2010 at 12:06 pm
@Ron Miller, writing is a rescue. Over and over. Thank goodness.
Thanks your sweet words. I appreciate it.
[Reply]
This is the challenge of life, sister. Identifying the stuck and working through it. The frustration of seeing where you don’t want to be manifests itself as depression and complacency in most…a wake up call for those of us lucky enough to have some insight. I am grateful for the stuck times of my life because they inevitably lead me forward into the joy, wonder and awe that make it all worthwhile.
[Reply]
I am not sure I have anything new to add to what has already been said. Just want you to know that the wheels do start moving eventually and you get unstuck.
[Reply]
Right now I’m reading your blog instead of getting ready for your work. I’m stuck in the bathtub. I love your “stuck” stuff as much as anything else. Go have some Bon bons. Do something wildly wonderful for you.
[Reply]
I enjoyed the comments as much as this post. Permission, permission, permission. As soon as you surrender to the stuck place and walk away from the thing you’re fighting against, something opens up. And you clearly know it! The thing is, knowing is not the same as experiencing.
[Reply]
It’s your Higher Self’s way of making you rest up (when you likely won’t let yourself do so). But the thing that gets me – a US journalist for three decades – is how awesome you write even when you’re stuck! Jeez, girl! I am always so, so impressed. So keep doing the writing that moves you. You are a brilliant, expressive writer.
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 8th, 2010 at 12:06 pm
@WickedStepKids, thank you so much. As I keep saying, over and over, the writing is what saves me, over and over.
[Reply]
I’d have to agree with Steve. Stuck may not be the problem. Your words still have power, velocity and range. You’re still wielding a 9mm keyboard and your ammunition is as killy as ever. If you are having trouble with shooting the little tin can off of the fence post…Get up, walk over to it and kick he post. Show that tin can who’s boss. Get the stuff that is holding you back done and turn your sights to the next target. I doesn’t always have to be pretty…some times it just needs to be done.
Yes I have justified shoddy work in the name of volume. I have mused about the ratio of effort to achievement. But I have also found that I am my own worst critic. I have handed in what I perceived to be B work and received A grading.
CLEARLY you are killing stuff left right and center. Your accuracy might just be a little off. Stop. Take a breather. Flip the switch from single shot to full auto and keep moving.
Love the idea of playing hooky. It’s Friday. Talk the professor into an extension and recharge. If you have reached the point of diminishing returns you are not doing anyone any favors anyhow.
Hope you have fun outside on the playground. Watch out for the monkey bars tho…they can be a little unforgiving. :p
-JCD
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 8th, 2010 at 12:08 pm
@John C Davies, I have stories I could tell you about monkey bars. Someone in these comments knows what I’m a-talkin’ about…(not my story to tell, alas).
I played semi-hooky yesterday. I leaned on a friend. I talked to someone who writes about fear/stuck etc and got fresh perspective.
And now I’m going to have lunch at the beach with my lil’ ladies.
I bet I come back all fired up to write and kickass. mwah.
[Reply]
If you want a real taste of “stuck” swap lives with me for one whole day. You will never complain of being stuck again.
You are not stuck at all. You just wrote one hell of a post in all your glorious honesty (as usual) and got everybody thinking and talking about being unstuck.
You are one beautiful, talented, exceptional human being. You make a difference in my life from across the ocean. And for that, I am grateful. If this is you being “stuck” then keep it up because it can only get better from here on out. I look forward to reading more of your posts.
Thank you Kelly!
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 8th, 2010 at 12:09 pm
@Tracy Todd, oh. you are so fucking RIGHT.
Thank YOU, Tracy.
I always get so much out of your comments. thank you thank you.
[Reply]
Kelly, my dear goddess…remember our little chat? The answers that you seek are there, have been there for some time now. Please dearheart, breathe in your gift…the knowledge that you have. You don’t need nor do you have to ask for permission to be and share the greatest that is YOU!
If nothing else, bask in the love and generosity that has been bestowed upon you…sink into it as you turn your brain OFF, even if for only a moment (though I highly recommend turning off or tuning down for much longer…say a whole day…or two…or three even!)
Bear hugs & wet sloppy kisses…
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 8th, 2010 at 12:13 pm
@Jaszy, oh I AM basking. I’m overwhelmed and all full up. Look at this. Amazing.
[Reply]
People like you inspire me.
[Reply]
John C Davies
replied:
on May 7th, 2010 at 10:15 am
@Taylor, UNDERSTATEMENT
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 8th, 2010 at 12:13 pm
@Taylor, THANK YOU.
[Reply]
I hear you Kelly. Sometimes it can be so frustrating to be stuck. One ting I learned from going to Art collage is that sometimes the stuck part is actually part of our natural creative process, it’s hard to do but, try and think of it like, the ideas/tasks/writing are not ready yet and be kind to yourself about it. This too shall pass……Jennifer
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 8th, 2010 at 12:12 pm
@Jennifer le Roux, that really landed with me. The creative process – like life, as Lianne and Marianne pointed out – isn’t linear. It circles back on itself, and rest (and giving it a break) IS part of the process. Thank you for the reminder.
[Reply]
I feel like this a lot. Sometimes, just doing one small thing right is enough to dispel some of the funk. Other times, it feels like I’d have to take over the whole world and rebuild it entirely before I feel like I’ve accomplished anything. Don’t worry: you’ll thaw frost—you’re a bad ass.
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 8th, 2010 at 12:10 pm
@Jessica Hagy, as are you chicka.
One small thing really is a great prescription – and it was one of the things that jolted me out of frustration and into…I’m not sure yet. But it will be good.
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Hey there, I was going through my reader (it’s been awhile) and I saw this and said wow, let’s take a look! You’ve done a lot of hard stuff. I, too, have had some really challenging things in my life not too different from some of the stuff you mentioned.
Not sure what you’re stuck on, exactly, but from buzzing through the comments, it sounds like you might need to do what I call “processing.” My brain needs to do some work on its own sometimes, or rest, especially if I’m coming out of a really intense creative spell.
If I can’t do what I need to do as far as write etc, I go do something else that needs to be done, like mow the grass, clean and organize something in the house, take dogs for a walk–physical stuff that still helps me feel like I’m doing something that has to get done anyway. Maybe it’s supposed to be my official “work” time but I switch off. So this afternoon I did yard work–I’ll spend a few hours tomorrow doing what I was trying to do today. And sometimes just relaxing, going somewhere else can help. Change of scenery helps me sometimes.
Good luck with it! Oh, and I started writing about sex
(don’t know if you recall that tweet I replied to) It’s not really ready for prime time but what the heck; I put it in the spot for website in this comment. Maybe the last post will make you laugh lol
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Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 8th, 2010 at 12:11 pm
@Leah McClellan, My house is so stupid-clean this morning because of you. It thanks you – and so do I.
Just do something. Feel it. Do it. = good advice.
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your writing is inspiring! none of us is perfect. there will be days, weeks, months, PERIODS, of stuckness.. but there will always be times when you won’t be stuck. it’s the natural ebb and flow of life.
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Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 8th, 2010 at 12:13 pm
@floreta, yes, you are so right. Thank you so much for the nudge.
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Stuck, yeah it’s hard. You and I are of the same mindset (see your reponse to Tony Teagarden up top). Stuck means you don’t really want what you’re going after. Stuck means you’re going to feel a giant sigh of relief when you decide to stop and change course.
Back in my theater directing days, I would always tell my actors to listen to their tension. Instead of fidgeting, or making unnecessary movement, listen to the tension. What is it trying to tell you? Usually tension is a sign that you’re not following your instincts. That is, you’re not acting authentically.
Stuck is the same as tension. Stuck is a warning sign. A danger sign. A big, wait a minute, what are you trying to do? And, why? Because maybe, you don’t really want to do that.
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Kelly Diels
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on May 8th, 2010 at 12:14 pm
@Leigh, yesssssssssssssssssssss! Maybe, just maybe, you’re RIGHT.
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Mind meld!
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Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 8th, 2010 at 12:14 pm
@Gail, it is going around…which means it’ll all come undone. Fortunately. xo
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Hey Kelly,
I can’t really add or subtract from what’s all ready been said. It just seems to me like you’re in a place of transition right now and soon you will experience something that will make it all sensible to you. Just rely on the 3 P’s: Patience, Persistence & Perseverance. I have no doubt you will come out on top (no pun intended).
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Remember when you wrote about sharing and giving more than you get? Sometimes all that giving leaves you flat. But you know that, don’t you. It’s probably always been that way…the giving, then the flattening.
But don’t stop. You seem like you really care. Some people think that a girl who can be sarcastic and witty can’t be that caring, but I (we)can see that you are SO caring. There’s a trick to caring that I have learned though.
It’s going to sound strange. But you have to care without giving a fuck. Impossible? No. Care, share, give without worrying what anyone thinks or if they respond or not. Don’t give the fuck. The fuck is what makes you stuck. That feeling of “Oh fuck!” or “What the fuck?” or just plain “Fuck!” is yours to keep and pin down, throw against sides of your brain…or sit with it. But don’t give it away. Don’t let it crawl or creep or seep into your hands so that it taints your writing or anything else that you’re doing to the point of feeling stuck and doubtful. Keep that fucker where it belongs (it never goes away for a carer) and unabashedly care.
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Voice of Kelly’s life narrator:
‘And this was the moment it all changed…’
(I play this game.)
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Kelly Diels
replied:
on May 9th, 2010 at 2:34 pm
@Andrew Lightheart @alightheart, this is a GOOD game. I’m going to play, too.
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I like to dress up in fancy clothes and heels and wander around Walmart. Or drive around blaring Lil Wayne with my shades on. I call it bringing sexy back. Whatever makes you feel like you own this ish.
You get unstuck or you never would’ve made it through any of it. And you come back like “It’s me bitches…what.”
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“have loved a man so physically beautiful that I feared leaving my girlfriends alone with him – and that fear was not irrational. ”
new reader to your blog. I think that I’m going through the same issue right now. Have you blogged about this in the past or not yet?
Good luck with everything.
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