Comments on: It is okay NOT to teach people how to treat you. Unless they were raised by wolves. Then Cold Play or a quick exit is in order. Your call.

By: The Forgiven. | Cleavage by Kelly Diels.

The Forgiven. | Cleavage by Kelly Diels. — Wed, 20 Feb 2013 04:57:03 +0000

[...] It is okay NOT to teach people how to treat you. Unless they were raised by wolves. Then Cold Play o… * [...]

By: LD

LD — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 03:34:39 +0000

Amen to this article! Finally, someone out there who ‘gets it’ and doesn’t subscribe to this crazy pop psychology. I HATE this Dr. Phil (or whomever’s) saying that we teach others how to treat us. I agree with the author that we only have to do that if they were raised by wolves (and sadly in this day and age it seems many are). So, maybe it has become a necessity with many dysfunctional folks but it should not be so! I totally believe and know that it is EACH PERSON’s MORAL OBLIGATION TO POLICE THEMSELVES!! To blame the victim for someone treating them badly is just criminal. Do I seriously need to ‘set boundaries’ with everyone because they are so immoral they don’t know that they should set their own? Just because I can get away with treating a meek person badly and then I do so, was that THEIR fault? Hell, no! I, and I alone will answer for my bad behavior…it is no one else’s obligation to teach me as an adult how to behave. Technically, we can hurt children and pets because they will “let us”, but if we are healthy people then we don’t mistreat them!…why? Was it because they ‘taught’ us not to? No! It’s because we should know better! God help us if we don’t police ourselves and do the right thing SIMPLY because it is the right thing to do. The measure of a man or woman is how they treat those weaker than themselves…not how they begrudingly react to someone who HAD to put up boundaries and teach them how to behave in a civilized manner. I don’t need anyone to control me if I am controlling myself properly…as I should be.

By: The Proper Care And Feeding Of A Person (Or A Man) | TamariskSD

The Proper Care And Feeding Of A Person (Or A Man) | TamariskSD — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 14:38:04 +0000

[...] was reading this post by the glorious Kelly Diels about that classic Dr Phil line: “You teach people how to treat [...]

By: Meg

Meg — Fri, 01 Apr 2011 17:27:20 +0000

I completely disagreed with this entire post until this sentence: “You don’t teach people how to treat you. You simply know how you must be treated and accept nothing else.”

I feel that in all relationships – romantic and otherwise – we only receive the minimum of what we ask for. I see so many woman-folk accepting crappy treatment from lovers, bosses, family members and friends. When they complain to me about it I say “ok, well why are you accepting that sort of behavior?” Stumps ‘em every time.

Thanks for a great post – adding your blog to my reader and waiting for more great thoughts!

xxMeg

By: Debbie

Debbie — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 16:13:17 +0000

This is an absolutely brilliant post. You nailed what is often a mystery for so many women. I particularly like how you flip things around, asking how women would feel if their lovers were always wanting to fix them, make them better. Thanks for sharing your powerful insight.

By: Darci Alexis

Darci Alexis — Thu, 22 Apr 2010 17:31:30 +0000

Hello–

I love your blog and you are so right! I wish that everyone could read this-and benefit from it.

Thank you.

By: On Harm, Healing, Ceilings and How Absent Apologies are the Pits #sorryseries | Cleavage by Kelly Diels.

Sat, 10 Apr 2010 05:10:18 +0000

[...] It is okay NOT to teach people how to treat you. Unless they were raised by wolves. Then Cold Play o… [...]

By: coffee, masculinity, and the joys of being friends with boys | Cleavage by Kelly Diels.

Mon, 05 Apr 2010 07:02:42 +0000

[...] Z: hi [...]

By: Dave Doolin

Dave Doolin — Fri, 02 Apr 2010 07:15:56 +0000

Dr Johnson would be proud of your proper use of the word “fantastic.”

By: Kat

Kat — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 20:46:48 +0000

Great post, completely agree! It is condescending and patronizing and really, we (women) aren’t perfect ourselves.