I tweeted it tonight:
OMG. I just discovered The Pioneer Woman. I may never leave the house.
And it is true.
For the last two hours, I sat in this chair and soaked up parts I – XXXII (and there are ten more chapters!) of her real-life love. I feel like a thirteen year old who just discovered Harlequin Romances under her mother’s bed.
(That really happened. After I discovered them, I started swiping them, hiding them under my bed until I was finished them, and then returning them to their rightful place under her bed.)
I’m sitting here, reading Ree Drummond’s deliberately harlequin-y rendering of her romance with her no-messing around, wants-to-love-her man, and sobbing my silly eyes out.
I didn’t realize I was carrying around this bruise.
The last two months, I’ve been Figuring Things Out and unlearning the grooves.
You know the grooves in a record? Where the needle just goes, easily, effortlessly?
I’m avoiding those. I’m carving new lines to follow.
It was all pretty rational. I started watching behaviour instead of sinking into it. Something shifted, and I just started seeing the guys who want to date me (and date me) as they are rather than through mists of wishes and expectation.
It has been pretty cool. I was feeling very cool (and a bit self-righteous, too).
And then the goddamned Pioneer Woman with her epic/mundane romance and her ranch and her decisive man undid me.
So, back to the land of emotion. Oh hell.
I’m grateful.
I’m learning something too, something that I keep trying to talk myself out of: stories. stories. stories.
There are stories I tell myself every time I write about my life:
that I should write something weighty and researched and reasoned and important instead of snippets from my life
that I should use my education for something and talking about my love life probably doesn’t count as that something
that I should stop stripping textually naked on my blog
that I only have so many bits of flesh to offer and I need to keep some for myself
that when I write about my year of living romantically dangerously, you’ll assume that my life is a roller-coaster and that my kids are unwashed and neglected
that it all amounts to Not That Much and nothing important. Just emotional frippery
But, reading The Pioneer Woman and crying - even though I know better, what the hell is wrong with me?! - I realized that stories are why I’m here and why you’re here too. Stories are us.
So I’ll tell more of them.
Ah, yes,
The bruises.
The crying.
Can anyone say Crazy Heart?
Write whatever the hell you want. I’ll read it, you just try and stop me.
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Kelly Diels
replied:
on March 17th, 2010 at 5:20 am
@Andrew Lightheart @alightheart, awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. (I won’t try and stop you)
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Good. Keep writing. Your stories and revelations aren’t frivolous. They help the rest of us along.
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Kelly Diels
replied:
on March 17th, 2010 at 5:20 am
@stephanie hight, that means so much to me. Thank you for telling me that.
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When you say that you, “started watching behavior, instead of sinking into it” , it caught my attention, as do other things you write about. I need to do that, but don’t quite understand?!?!
Also, you said that, “I should use my education for something, and talking about my love life probably doesn’t count as that something” ?!?!??
I don’t know Kelly?!?!?? I think it counts.
Being real is good. Learning from experience, sharing the good, the bad, and the attempts are all helpful…
I have recently discovered that to live “romantically dangerously.” is fun!! It can hurt like hell!! I am hurting now!! But, by risking, we may one day hit the mark?!?! Right????God I hope so!!!
As I type this, … I have not yet read the “The Pioneer Woman”. I will certainly add it to my ever increasing TO Do LIst!!
~ OK…LIghts out time for some zzzz”s. I have a few appointments tomorrow and need to quiet my mind from figuring out the rules of life, happiness, romance, etc, etc……
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Kelly Diels
replied:
on March 17th, 2010 at 5:22 am
@Renee Michelle (Michelmustro), I’ve been enjoying attention, dates etc but not really investing so much up-front. Just watching to see who’s meeting me half-way. Who’s bringing it. Showing up.
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best posts are the real stories. the flawed and fucked-up real lives. when i write my heart out – i get more comments, more trackbacks more more more.
its the connections that matter.
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Kelly Diels
replied:
on March 17th, 2010 at 5:22 am
@sas, oh you’re so right. SO RIGHT.
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Keep your ‘emotional frippery’ at the forefront of your writing, I say, because that is the truly good stuff.
I think many of us have the same worries and concerns about our writing, hun. Especially as a single mum–hell, I worry about everything I do, and say, and that it will make people think my kid is unwashed and neglected. Because we think people want to vilify us for being single mums anyway, regardless of how well-brought-up and happy/confident our kids are.
Now and then, like you, I’ll swing towards an more academic and researched post but what people want to hear is the personal stuff, and the details of your year of living romantically dangerously.
I always say, it takes courage to be a good writer. You’ve got the balls so keep it up.
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Kelly Diels
replied:
on March 17th, 2010 at 5:23 am
@Samantha Brightwell, the only reason I can be brave is because I’ve got the basics handled. If I was worried about the daily stuff, then I wouldn’t have the strength to tackle anything else.
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It’s all about the stories beautiful.
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Kelly Diels
replied:
on March 17th, 2010 at 5:24 am
@Paddy, thank you Paddy. Don’t know how I forgot it, but I did.
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Oh Kelly! Never question the worth of your experiences. We want to hear about your life, about you, about the emotions.
Cry away and keep writing!
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Isn’t ‘Tar Heels’ fantastic? I love it! I believe it’s soon to be published into a novel.
The posts where you share snippets and stories of your life are my favourite.
Just keep feeling!
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Your purpose and calling is what it is. Don’t judge it. Don’t downplay it. Just go with it. Plus, you have readers, so they are obviously getting SOMETHING out of what you call “emotional frippery.” It might be more important that you realize. Maybe your mission isn’t to change the world. So what? That’s what Gandhi, Susan B Anthony and Martin Luther King were for. Maybe your mission is more subtle but just as important: to entertain, to lift up someone’s mood, to release boredom, to help people feel connected, to suggest new ways of seeing the world, etc.
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on March 17th, 2010 at 5:25 am
@Alisa Bowman, Thank you so much. I’m going to fight the urge to write something Obviously Important and just write what is real. That’s where the real art is, hopefully.
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I just finished reading all of Pioneer Woman’s Heels to Tractor Wheels, right after reading Lily Burana’s TRY, and I have to say, I believe I have a thing for cowboys.
I also understand about the emotions. It’s so easy to write off emotions as frivolous and dangerous to real life … and I too am in the process of observing rather than riding a roller coaster … and yet, I think the paydirt is experiencing the emotions and understanding the truth that lies beneath.
Your blog shines at navigating truth, emotion, love & real life – and the truth (or meaning) you extrapolate has helped me view relationships & life in a whole new light, so thank you.
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The stories are everything, Kelly. But you already knew that.
“To be a person is to have a story to tell.” (Isak Dinesen)
I’m grateful for your person & for your stories. Thank you.
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Kelly Diels
replied:
on March 17th, 2010 at 5:57 am
@Ronna, I forgot it. I got back to it. I live there and need to love my home a little harder.
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I for one am delighted you are going to tell more stories. The truth of your life is the reason I come back here every day. Well, that and your marvelous, one-of-a-kind voice.
And the grooves? Yeah, I know them. Yuck.
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Kelly Diels
replied:
on March 17th, 2010 at 5:56 am
@Lindsey, re-groove, baby. My demons need new tracks.
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OMG, I went through the same thing about 5 months ago. Then I saw her on TV.
I tried one of her recipes, the “chicken parmesan” It was just okay, not as good as expected.
Great post!
DR
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on March 17th, 2010 at 5:56 am
@Deborah Rowell, One of my twitter friends asked me “what’s the Pioneer Woman? A website? A sex-toy? A movie?”
I said, “I think it’s a cult.”
I stand by words.
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Ahhhhhhh, Kelly!
The emotions. They are nothing more and nothing less that the whole human experience. Can we observe the experience and feel the experience at the same time?
Of course we can. That’s where the stories come from.
And what are the stories? Our stories give us context, mark our place in the world, allow us to see ourselves from the outside as well as that all-too-familiar inside. Your stories remind me to honour my own stories, to open my mind to others’ experiences, to think beyond getting through a workday and making sure there is clean laundry.
You’re a gift to us, and your stories are the wrapping with bows and sparkles.
Thank you!
~T~
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As someone who has seen purported genius and creativity crash and burn (McRibs? New Coke? Crazy fashion outfits that only a dummy can wear?) I think that genius isn’t coming up with completely new ideas and crazy approaches to (previously unrecognized) problems. I don’t think genius is building something crazy and new from scratch (usually). I think genius is seeing the old problems with fresh eyes, embracing the traditional limitations and taking them someplace new, finding heaven in a grain of rice.
I’ll join the chorus of fans and say you, Kelly Diels, take the tired, the poor, the huddled metaphors and imagery yearning to break free, and you free them. Hallelujah!
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Is this going to take me out of the “I can do it all by myself” mode? Because I’m not sure which side of that mode I want to be on..
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The “Obviously Important” lives inside our storys. That is why they make us laugh, cry, and think.
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Dear Kelly,
You are so brave. Thank you.
We still live in a patriarchy. Anything “emotional” is labelled stupid, needy, superfluous, immature, trivial, even greedy. Most messages in the culture reinforce this.
You’re breaking out of it. It’s not comfortable, but keep going! Look how people respond. When you figure things out, you give others permission to breathe more easily. To take that new knowledge into their lives, or to make what they’ve only suspected more real. You are changing yourself and changing the world.
Love,
S
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Kelly – when I was learning to be a reporter, I had an editor (NOT a writing teacher) whose standard question was ‘what’s the story?’ And when he didn’t get what he wanted, ‘WHERE’S THE STORY???’ (yeah, in all caps and usually at the sarcastic height of the top of his lungs.)
The story is everything – whether it’s what’s behind a recipe or why someone is going to vote X way on healthcare or how you deal with your life (and the small stuff – that’s the divine ordinary, from which the most beautiful moments and the most compelling stories come.)
Never leave the story behind, Kelly.
The story is all that’s worth reading.
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Do both!
Not kidding.
Had no idea you didn’t know about TPW. Giant stuff.
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Ah Kelly, the emotional is what gives exquisite flavor to what would otherwise be dry, uncompelling textual bulk. It is the hedonic thrill that makes me not just desire, but NEED to partake of such well grown, healthfull soul-food. So please, let me keep eating you (in a totally metaphysical way, of course).
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Love, longing and despair are weighty topics. Stick with your sweet spot for now. Your writing is fresh and interesting. And I can’t help saying this: while you seem to flirt with poetry you never fully give in. You should. You are lyrical. Rhythmic. You naturally expand or contract your words to give weight to the meaning. It’s a beautiful thing. So if you’re not doing so now, read more poetry and see how it influences what you produce. Read Men in the Off Hours, by Anne Carson. Read this post from Elegant Variation re: reading poetry: http://marksarvas.blogs.com/elegvar/2010/03/a-poem-a-day-.html. And above all, keep going. Brava to you.
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on March 18th, 2010 at 11:19 am
@Shelly, you’re very intuitive. I used to write a lot of poetry and I do find that the more poetry I read and write, the better my prose becomes.
You’re right. More. Definitely.
Thank you.
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Oh Kelly. Your writing inspires me, touches my heart. I’ve participated in great discussions/conversations on your blog. I also wasn’t aware of The Pioneer Woman blog. OMG. I read all the chapters of her romance and marriage to the Marlboro Man last night. Where can I find a Marlboro man for myself? Thank you for linking to her website. Also, keep inspiring me and others with your amazing stories and interesting topics.
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I do love PW. And now they’re putting Reese Witherspoon in a movie about her and lord help me then. I want to know why there aren’t more out there like Marlboro Man… and if there are, how do I find one.
I just started reading your blog, and I do NOT think you need to stop writing the real stuff! Already I’ve been like, “ME TOO!” on several entries. Stories make life rich. Keep writing them.
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i really love blondes like Reese Witherspoon. she is damn pretty.:“
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Reese Witherspoon is still one of the cutest american actress out there. I love here role on Sweet Home Alabama..-,
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