Yo. I’m a fragile flower. Rejection is my nemesis.
And because of that, I’m softening up to sections of the Seduction Community.
(Also: cleavage. Dating gurus are not all teaching “How To Bed as Many Naive Twenty-Five Year Olds as Possible Through the Judicious Use of Insults”. I could be a little more sensitive to the differences and nuances and lines that cut across the “how to date better/improve your social skills” field.)
This week I read David DeAngelo’s “Double Your Dating” and was shocked – SHOCKED, I TELL YOU – to discover that it was useful and I liked it.
Sure, there were bits that irritated me – more on that, in another piece to follow – but I put myself in the shoes of his target audience and grew a little respect. Even gratitude.
DO NOT TELL ANYONE.
Because, as I mentioned, I’m a fragile, rejection-averse flower. I go on a lot of dates but I have no recollection of EVER asking a man out (unless we were, you know, married) or initiating a first kiss. I have been turned down for sex three times in my life.
So of course when I read detailed instructions on how to approach women and escalate a new relationship it seems a bit foreign to me.
It IS foreign to me – because someone else always handles it.
So maybe I should be glad that there are men teaching other men how to handle this with ease and grace (and that there are men willing to learn this, thereby making things more comfortable for me).
Because if I had to handle this I’d be paying for sex and growing old with cats.
__________________
I’m Not Picking on Pick-Up Artists. Much.
Interview with A Former Pick-Up Artist
wherein I take a (temporary) break from bitching about Pick-Up Artists
Wow…never asked a man out. I was the same up until about March or so of last year.
Its good of you to try and see the other side, for sure. Often a hard and overlooked way to find common ground between things or people who just don’t seem to have any. It works about half the time I’d guess.
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on March 15th, 2010 at 11:03 am
@Gurl, you’re right – common ground is more common than we sometimes think.
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Uh oh. Does this mean you will become more cocky and more funny than you already are?
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on March 15th, 2010 at 11:02 am
@Deacon, That sounded suspiciously like a backhanded compliment. PUT DOWN THE BOOK already. mwah.
[Reply]
face that demon girl! asking someone out and being rejected is the best thing. the fear goes. i learnt that i am a pineapple: some people LOVE pineapple, others not so much. it’s ok, there is no accounting for taste.
but some guy will want to eat pineapple every day for the rest of his life. imagine if he happened to be a bit shy?
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on March 16th, 2010 at 5:36 am
@sas, I have enough shy for all of us. I just fake being an extrovert really, really well.
[Reply]
Yo, ma’am!
I’m glad you eased up on the PUA thing…
Because, in the end, men and women are in that “game” for the same reason: “WIIFM?”
(and the “It” might be different, of course)
Did you never asked a man out? Lucky you!
I asked hundreds, and was asked only by an handful. Oh my.
Have you been turned down for sex 3 times? Poor thing.
I have been rejected hundreds (and I do mean 100s!).
Well, I survived (scars included).
Do you think this isn’t fair? You bet it ISN’T!
Life ISN’T fair, both for men and women.
But isn’t fair in different ways, usually.
And we both try our best to survive and thrive.
PS: Try to ask someone out. It’s a good exercise for you strength; and you won’t die, I promise.
What about that “askus requestus muscle”, anyway?
Besides, weren’t you for gender’s equality of rights?
Hmmm… ;-P
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on March 16th, 2010 at 5:37 am
@Prahlad, oh wow. I have to ask someone out in the name of women’s liberation? Is that a good pick up line?
I will let you know how some random man responds to this: I ask you out in the name of gender equality! Let’s make out at the movies!)
[Reply]
Prahlad
replied:
on March 16th, 2010 at 7:49 pm
@Kelly Diels “I have to ask someone out in the name of women’s liberation?”
I definitely didn’t say that.
What I did mean was: both men and women can ask and be asked out. Let’s drop traditional roles.
And, let’s be honest: not asking is just a matter of fear (a demon I faced a lot myself).
Anyway, I would respond “Yes” to that approach: at least, it’s original!
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Yes, go ask some guy out! It’s easy!
[Reply]
Kelly Diels
replied:
on March 21st, 2010 at 7:00 pm
@Dave Doolin, that would require leaving the house.
[Reply]