seeming contradictions in feminism are in fact intermingling on the ground…thank goodness
In my last piece, I wrote:
Want to be able to discuss violence against women and the importance of claiming your sexual pleasure without setting up permanent camp – or throwing rocks – at either end of the philosophical spectrum.
In the comments, Dawn Haney made a terrific point:
Dawn’s point is an important corrective: I took Betty Dodson’s critique of Eve Ensler and used it as emblematic of a contradiction within feminism that possibly exists more in theory than in reality.
Dawn’s experience, when I reflect on it, echoes my own. A long time ago, and for a very brief time, I volunteered as a rape crisis counselor – and the people working together in that collective were absolutely pro-sex. So there is no disconnect or contradiction between
- acknowledging oppression, supporting women experiencing violence and campaigning against it, and
- embracing sexual power and pleasure.
In fact, in Marilla’s piece on feminism and rough sex at Where is Your Line, Heather Corinna (of Scarleteen) writes:
I think it’s important to remember that at the heart of feminism is the goal for women to be able to have enjoyment of our lives and the freedom to make our own choices and take our own journeys. We all also get to have our own ideas and opinions about what feminism is or should be: not all feminist women agree that this thing or that is or is not feminist. It’s a movement made of people, and people vary and also adjust our ideas, and thus, the movement itself, as we all go through our own processes.
yes. exactly.
About the author
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There is a fetishized, “girly” womanhood that puts tremendous dogmatic pressure on women to conform to the petite, pretty, innocent, vulnerable stereotype; then there is a true womanhood that is open, and allows for other notions of beauty, including the beauty of strength and in-chargeness. Feminism tends to accent the latter because the popular bias towards the former is so fucking stifling… but at the end of the road, there is room for both.
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Hey Kelly. This piece really resonates with me right now as I am exhausted from writing an essay about rape and the evolutionary theory that puts forward the reasons for why men rape. It is complex, frustrating, interesting, goddamn infuriating and really pushes the feminist buttons that I have cultivated over the years with regards to women, their sexuality, the all the things that I thought I knew about sexual coercion. I stand tall in my feminist sexuality, I am open to academic discourse on the reasons for rape, I know that I can be against sexual violence but be for a little S&M kink, be against any systematic and or political views that may keep me a compliant little woman and yet still play the submissive and that above all, as you mentioned, being a sex positive feminist is recognizing that we have the power to choose and choice is what it is all about.
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I loved that post of yours, loved it. But I’m also thrilled to read this. I’ve been thinking about something similar in relation to what seems like endless debate about the right approach to aid in Haiti. It may be time to reiterate what we all agree on, not in order to gloss over important differences in focus or approach but to avoid false dichotomies.
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K-Diels,
Any shot on you doing a post on what feminism actually is? Got to be honest with you, I’m pretty confused myself. I love women, (too much sometimes) and support them in achieving supreme “autonominity” if that’s what their heart desires… but I’m a dude. Does that make me a feminist?
On a side note I’ve got to add that the whole “I own my body argument” sometimes feels like a more serious and fundamental plea with a mask on… the plea of “I just want to be acknowledged as having dignity.”
So what are we really talking about here? Does the pro-sex movement mean women want to be able to have sex whenever they want with whoever they want without being judged. Or is this simply the figure head and costume for the much deeper issue of “I want to be viewed as an equal.”
Sorry, that was kind of all over the place… and I feel like I just stuck my “assumatory” masculine nose in a downright feminine topic… but o’well… sue me.
Peace
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Catherine Caine
replied:
on February 23rd, 2010 at 12:34 pm
@Chase Brumfield, I don’t think there really IS a one-size-fits-all definition of feminism. There are feminismS!
For example, in my opinion:
- Of course you can be a feminist
- My feminism could be defined as “Everyone has the right to be who they want and do everything that’s legal. Everyone owns their own actions and no-one else’s.”
- Since I own my actions, you don’t. So you can have an opinion on them, but you can’t control them.
- My feminism also pushes against the gender-based unfairnesses committed against men (men don’t cry, or become nurses, because thise things are girly and therefore weak)
Does that help at all, or just add more confusion?
Catherine
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I concur Kelly.
“the heart of feminism is the goal for women to be able to have enjoyment of our lives and the freedom to make our own choices and take our own journeys.” -Well said Heather!
It’s not about one side of the camp or the other; it’s the option to go to either camp, at any given time.
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If I’m allowed to contradict myself (wink) …
While the camps are certainly intermingling, it’s still a huge mess of contradictions. While we brought a pro-sex sensibility to the work, rape crisis work can be a serious blow to the libido. Many of us had extreme difficulty having those fully-engaged romps of hot passionate sex that I associate with being sex positive. It takes a very big heart to hold both the darkest shadows and the most flamboyant celebrations of human sexuality. When you spend 40+ hours a week on the shadow side, it’s easy to get sucked in to the horrors and lose sight of the pleasures.
In retrospect, perhaps the answer is to balance 20 hours of violence work with 20 hours of orgiastic bliss
Sign me up for that job!
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Kelly–I really enjoyed the post you are referring to here, and I totally got it. I think some of this is generational. If you are old enough to have lived through the more militant stage of feminism (what people now call Femi-Nazism), your post resonates. I once had a woman spank me (verbally) for having the audacity to blog about PMS. Supposedly women don’t have that any more. Did you know that? For criss sakes, it’s a medical condition, and that medical condition is NOT a white male conspiracy. It’s a real thing. Somehow acknowledging exactly how I feel once a month (bitchy, irrational, muddled) is anti-woman. I’m glad the younger set of women has embraced that women are beautiful–and that we can have issues and talk about our issues and even champion them as part of the unique beauty of what it means to be a woman. We don’t have to pretend that we are men. Trying to pretend that we are just like men set us up for so many unnecessary contradictions and issues.
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I agree with Shannon O., and think that what women need – what I want – is the space to follow whims & passions, speak truth and yes, have dignity as pleasure-lovin’ sluts, without anyone else batting an eye or casting judgment.
(Though sometimes it’s the judgment I hear in my head of what I think other people would say…)
Reminds me of this quote by Muriel Rukeyser:
“What would happen if one woman told the truth about her life?
The world would split open.”
I think if women really told the truth about how they feel about sex, perhaps we could shake off the pornification and get down to some real hot lovin’. And maybe the place to start is with individual women defining pleasure for themselves rather than assuming men are only after a porn-icized type of sex romp. I know I spent a long time catering to what I thought men wanted rather than taking responsibility for my own pleasure. Big difference.
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