Cleavages: The Lines That Shape Us.

Pro-sex yet leary and weary of casual sex because I know myself and it doesn’t often work for me (it is boring and I’m an emotional creature and so I attach). Feminist but worried about the anti-porn, women-as-victims structure of some feminisms. Worried about critiquing anti-porn feminisms because not entirely comfortable with the way women are treated and portrayed in mainstream heterosexual porn. Admire Eve Ensler and Betty Dodson all at the same time. Wish that activism against human trafficking didn’t so often slide into anti-sex-work arguments that condescend to adult woman who claim choice and power. Think, though, that Catherine MacKinnon and Andrea Dworkin have some seriously pointy points. Also think that reacting against “there is no consent when there is oppression” line of thinking forces pro-sex and sex-worker activists into extreme positions where they have to downplay the dark sides of the industry and play up the cupcakes, cash and orgasms. Want to be able to discuss violence against women and the importance of claiming your sexual pleasure without setting up permanent camp – or throwing rocks – at either end of the philosophical spectrum. Maybe I’m a ideological nomad. Have recently started to appreciate Camille Paglia and think that Katie Roiphe is right (which pisses me off  greatly) and that sometimes feminists don’t like kids. Neither does our society. It isn’t terribly unique but it isn’t okay, either. Love my kids but am not defined by motherhood and am not that worried about fucking up because I have faith in my children. Don’t want to be judged by my looks but totally want to be celebrated for my looks.  And then there is the knowledge that this looks game is a racist one, too, and I could go my entire life without ever confronting it. Except I must confront it. Tired of marketers slapping a pink ribbon on products and think they’re talking to women while also tired of the boy language that pervades the blog-o-sphere (and, ummm, the world). Still, really do think that a lot of men are getting screwed over by The Man. Also suspect that some apprentice pick up artists are studying women because they want to improve their social skills and find a nice girlfriend (mostly because one smart, warm-hearted, socially-adept guy told me so) but then there are the misogynists. Fuck them (don’t). Want to use vivid, compelling, physical language. Don’t want to reinforce  social stigmas and straight-up discrimination by insinuating that to be blind, deaf, dumb or lame is an awful, invalidating state of being. Wild about theory but worry that we beat each other about the head and shoulders with a fist full of it. Wish that people would be nicer to each other and think a little harder and own the gaps between what we wish for and where we are.

About the author

Kelly Diels I'm Kelly Diels. I'm a writer. I've written for Salon, Jezebel, XO Jane, Problogger, Write to Done and more. I'm currently working on a book about The Female Lifestyle Empowerment Brand. Interested? Please subscribe to my newsletter and I'll share more thoughts and chapters with you as I write them. You can also find me on Facebook and yes please, please do.