It requires being committed to the commitment.

I think you’ve hit on something very important here. “…a woman who [has] grown out of the fantasy of fairy tale romance.” Romance is the problem. Pragmatism is the answer. I no longer believe in romance, and I’m quite sure my 17-yr-old daughter doesn’t believe in it either. Romance is useless.

A woman ultimately needs to take care of herself, and I I ditched the idea of being swept off my feet a long time ago. I take care of myself, and if I can have a man who can add to and compliment my reality and who I am, then I’m interested. I love to learn about a man and learn about his reality and how our worlds might fit together. Sex? Well, that’s part of the total package, but it isn’t the be all and end all. It’s really just a portion.

I believe a person chooses to love another person and that the choice is made again and again and renewed every single day.

Enough men have swept me off my feet and then moved on and left me hanging that I have realized that the men who sweep me off my feet are the ones to be leery of. Love at first sight does not exist.

There is also another aspect of this conversation that I think we’ve avoided thus far: the D/s community. My understanding is that the foundation of a D/s relationship is mutual respect and trust and honor and commitment. That kind of relationship isn’t based in romance–it is based in choice.

So choose someone. See if his beliefs sort of match your own. Negotiate the boundaries of the relationship. Respect each other and trust each other and honor each other. Always. No matter what. Uphold your end of the deal. There we have it–a real relationship.

Deanna.

Ah. I’m talking about it being a mutually arranged, up front, before witty banter, let’s just have sex because we both need it arrangement. Nothing else. I agree, some people may hope for just sex (for some people there truly is such a thing…generally not me but I respect those people for whom it is-and feel sad for them at the same time) and not be clear. But, my reply was certainly about total transparency.

Peace!
K.