Comments on: Guest Post by Dave Doolin: How to be Needy Without Being Needy

By: Tracy Todd

Tracy Todd — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 09:59:55 +0000

Since an accident left me paralyzed from the neck down, people automatically – and ignorantly – assume that I am needy. Generally, society views disabled (I detest that word) people as “needy” and vulnerable.
Although that may be true for some, I consider myself to be a spirited, confident, strong, independent woman. I’m not emotionally needy – I have strength of character that could stand up to just about anyone. I may require slightly more physical assistance than most – but I far prefer my care assistants to take care of those needs anyway. Financially I’ve managed so far and I most certainly don’t want to connect with others merely for their money.
I know of many healthy, able-bodied women out there who are far more “needy” – physically, emotionally and financially – than I could ever be. I’m also not any more – or less – vulnerable than anyone else. I have a strong mind and spirit with an incredible verbal independence – albeit quite cheeky at times.
Some could argue that the mere fact that I cannot simply get up and walk away automatically puts me at risk and makes me more vulnerable – despite having a battery-powered, chin-controlled wheelchair. But then statistics have shown that if a guy does not respond to the word “No” then no amount of athleticism will change his intentions. Generally, society does not like to associate themselves – particularly not romantically – with people who do not appear physically whole. Ironically, I consider myself to be a far more whole person now than what I ever was.
You are so right. Everybody is needy at times – some more than others. That makes them – and me – real and human.

By: Regret Is A Luxury And A Vice | Cleavage by Kelly Diels.

Regret Is A Luxury And A Vice | Cleavage by Kelly Diels. — Sun, 13 Jun 2010 05:39:05 +0000

[...] I had those moments, I “networked my neediness” – mostly with the author of that post, thank you, my friend – instead of making [...]

By: Dave Doolin

Dave Doolin — Tue, 04 May 2010 20:05:19 +0000

@Jesse, it depends on how you define "strike." For me, it's harming my material interests, that is, interfering with how I put food on my table, pay the rent, etc. The rest of it doesn't matter all that much.

By: my solution for managing electric, predatory NEED | Cleavage by Kelly Diels.

Sat, 01 May 2010 17:10:18 +0000

[...] And yet here I am with all this need. A loose, charged wire, sparking and arc-ing. [...]

By: Jesse

Jesse — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 16:29:11 +0000

This seriously speaks to me. I’m all over the “one strike you’re out”. I struggle with defining strikes. I think I’m too sensitive, so I question my reactions and judgment, and probably end up putting up with what others might not accept. I wonder … Am I too picky? Should I be more tolerant? In the end, if it feels bad in my gut, I think I should walk away. But what if ….

By: Criticism: from fragile flower to man-eater. One blogger's journey | Cleavage by Kelly Diels.

Fri, 26 Mar 2010 07:03:16 +0000

[...] my reality: I have a blog because I eat attention – good, bad, lukewarm, just right, just plain ugly – for [...]

By: Kelly

Kelly — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 20:03:34 +0000

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read this post. I just re-read it.

“Just don’t make the mistake of taking me for granted. Not ever. I have this rule: 1 strike and you’re out.”

I want to be that secure.

Dave, you rock.

By: too big for you, my love | Cleavage by Kelly Diels.

too big for you, my love | Cleavage by Kelly Diels. — Sun, 21 Mar 2010 06:37:47 +0000

[...] big for you, my love some of us have an almost pathological requirement to give*. We need to give. The problem comes when giving to people who don’t want our gifts**. - Dave [...]

By: PicsieChick

PicsieChick — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 05:18:58 +0000

Hey, Dave, great post! (and, yes, I’ll be reading how to make that website in a weekend very soon, thank you for making that possible). While I couldn’t quite get myself to say “I’m feeling needy” I did ask my DH for a hug, and he was happy to oblige. I truly am a lucky girl!

Kelly, great idea for the guest post. And he’s totally right. You’re creating something wonderful here – community, intimacy, friendship, a place for the needy to be welcomed. Thank you!

Hugs and butterflies,
~T~

By: Catherine Caine

Catherine Caine — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 04:49:14 +0000

Lovely writing Dave. Fabbooooo!