harder than hearing “no” is
not now.
harder than “not now” is
nothing.
in love. with a man. the one I have always wanted. wanted something and needed for him to do something, for me and maybe for us.
so I asked.
and…nothing.
nothing is an answer. indecision is an answer. silence is not consent.
Yes! explodes and leaps from couches and is shaken with pom-poms.
but this nothing is not a lesson in shouldn’t ask…see what happens when you ask?
instead, the lesson here is this:
love doesn’t need to have a happy ending to be the real deal. but daily life-and-love does need to meet my requirements for dignity.
and how much better it is to know.
yea – and yay! – askus requestus muscle, 2010. I am going to work you out.
Dear Kelly, to me knowing is always better than not knowing.
It’s _liberating_ … even when it’s painful.
So yes, ask and you will receive; at least, you’ll receive some more knowledge, that means less doubts. ;-D
Above all, if love is what you’re looking for, there’s no reason to look for it where there’s no love at all (for you).
“If it didn’t stop at the station, it wasn’t your train.”
(Marianne Williamson)
You know you deserve BETTER than that.
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Kelly
replied:
on January 2nd, 2010 at 4:47 pm
@Valter Prahlad, Love the Williamson comment!
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wow. incredible resilience. truth. askus requestus is a muscle, indeed. kudos. good things are coming.
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Showing lots of courage in the new year. I’m sure it was the real deal AND love itself is not enough. A great relationship is like the most fabulous, gooey, yummy cookie recipe ever. It doesn’t just take random amts. of flour, butter, sugar, choc chips to make your heart sing. It has to be the right amounts of the right ingredients at the right time. Don’t settle. Alone is better than that…
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God, Kelly, somehow I gave you a key to my deepest heart and fears and you keep writing about it – thank GOD since it helps me understand.
Thank you, thank you!
I love this:
love doesn’t need a happy ending to be the real deal.
amen.
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Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Knowing IS better, but no answer is still a chicken shit way to respond. I’d rather hear NO than nothing. Totally. Because I WILL STILL TRY TO READ INTO THAT SILENCE. Sigh.
Isn’t it just a wee bit possible that silence is sometimes fear? (see…)
I am sending you loads of white light and red hot love, with many YES, YES, YESSES, baby!
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Valter – so perfect. So exactly right. I think we all know this and conveniently forget it, sometimes.
Carlos – thank you. thanks for always being here with a beautiful comment. I’m feeling very lucky and appreciated.
Kim – my children and their fresh chocolate chip cookies thank you.
Lindsey – as always, you rock.
Kelly – I think we are sisters from another mother.
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“If it didn’t stop at the station, it wasn’t your train.”
(Marianne Williamson)~ love that! ~ is that something like {and I can’t remember who said it} “When your ship finally comes in, don’t be waiting at the airport” ~ maybe that silence is the signal you need to get yourself on plane to a mighty fine beach!
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OK…heart breaking while it is also just singing over your resilience, your strength, your beauty. Just wishing we could talk it out over a good glass of wine…or even a marginal one.
You are absolutely right: “nothing” is an answer. Not the one we want to hear…but screaming at us if we will listen. Where’s that wine?
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