Do you know what I think about sex? Do you want to?

I think that sex is healing and restorative. The power and pull of sex goes beyond gonzo porn sex. That’s for amateurs.

There have been times in my life when the physical connections and experiences created between me and a partner have been so profound that I have felt healed. Transformed. Lightened. Nourished. Inspired. Like my muse came to visit – and stayed.

It is not just sex that can do that. So can massage. Sexual Touch. Communion.

Sensual massage, say hey!

I’m not the only one who thinks so. There is a whole sector of healers who do this kind of work. I googled it. I love Google, but not in a sexual way.

Okay, maybe a little. But it is complicated because Google is only my virtual lover.

Turns out there are people who are sexologists and others who give sensual massage

who operate under exactly this theoretical umbrella. That sex can be healing. That sometimes people need sexual healing. Marvin Gaye, say hey!

My gentleman caller is a masseuse. (Not that kind, but yes, I am a very happy/lucky/healed woman.) I thought he would be interested in this information. It is his field, after all. Sort of. Massage is. Not the other part.

So I called him to share my googled adventures and insights into his profession.

Kelly: Baby, do you do sensual massage?

Gentleman Caller: Do you want me to come over?

Kelly: Not me. Well yes, me, go get in the car, but I mean have you ever? Is that a service you offer? Putting your fingers in orifices that don’t belong to me, for pay? Have you ever considered it?

Gentleman Caller: No.  One time a guy grabbed my hand but that’s not what I do.

Kelly: He grabbed your hand? That’s it? I think you don’t understand the concept of sensual massage.

Gentleman Caller: I understand. I don’t do that.

Kelly: Would you get paid more if you did?

Gentleman Caller: I should fucking hope so.

Kelly: Like how much?

Gentleman Caller: I don’t know. I’ve never looked into it because I DON’T DO THAT.

Kelly: Oh I’m great at market research. Hold on, I’ll google it.

Kelly: (Shrieks out loud) HOLY SHIT baby you should totally do this! You could be a six figure masseuse! I’ll write you a testimonial!

Gentleman Caller: Are you recording this? Again? Is this going to end up on your blog? Because my mother might read your blog and I’m not up for that phone call. This stuff is private.

Kelly: You might want to talk to her about that. My mother stopped reading after I wrote that you and I have OUTRAGEOUS SEX so by the time I got to the PORN shirt, she was out.

And just so you know, your mom’s not on my email list and that’s how I feel good about myself so if she cares about you and you care about me then you should ask her to sign up so that I can feel good about myself.

Maybe she’s on my RSS feed.  Can you ask her what RSS reader she uses?

And that sounds like water running, not a car engine. Are you in the bathroom?  Whatever goes on in the bathroom does not make appropriate background noises for phone calls. Have you no sense of privacy or propriety?

And don’t be so persnickety about my blog. I’m promoting you!

Gentleman Caller: You’re pimping me.

Kelly: Well, that too.

___________________________________

Note to Gentleman Caller’s clients: He does give sensual massage, but only to me. So he says.

Note to Gentleman Caller’s mom: Your son is not a sex worker. Your son is a virgin. I don’t know how his son got here. Magic?

Note to YOU, my dearest reader:  I ain’t too proud to beg. One of the ways I measure my self-image, which is notoriously wobbly and externally-based, is by how many people sign up to receive my posts by email.

So if you like my work or pity me or are in any way worried about my fragile flowerishness, then please sign up. Thank you. I’ll love you long time.

Or, my Gentleman Caller will. I’m working on his new business model and I’ll be sure to send email updates about that.

See? You should totally sign up. There might be coupons.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, November 10th, 2009 at 1:01 am and is filed under Bodies, Love, Money, Sex, Work. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.